Smudge. Smear. Blend.


Smudge. Smear. Blend.

My daughter has been drawing for many, many years.  Recently she has taken her skills to another level.  A smudge on a piece of paper can now become a cute animal.  Smearing colors together creates shading which is something she loves to play with.  Mixing different media and styles makes her pictures pop-out with a three dimensional view that can add a layer of emotion and feeling.  And..depth.

Depth.  Her PANDAS diagnosis makes one look down into their very soul and hopefully wake-up to reality.  When a child loses their memory not knowing who their parent and others re-look at what is important in life.  When a child has uncontrolled outbursts that presumed discipline should correct; but can't -- can we control our own occasional exasperated emotions as quickly as we parent.  When the child falls into an intensely deep sleep; why would a parent even have to question what type of a child they would have when the child wakes up?

Today, had a couple of smudges that smeared into different directions and momentarily blended.  Last night was a tough sleep night.  She came to bed with 30+ stuffies and a 4ft fox stuffie still not knowing who I was. "Yes, you can do that.  I am your mom and it's okay." Silently I prayed for a normal sleep.  At 2am the battery died in the fire alarm. (That I believe is a required time for those ;-P) At 4, our 87lb. puppy decided she needed the bed too. By 5:30 I was freezing as there were no blankets.   I got up at 8 to start the day.  She finally woke up at 10am.  I wanted to run errands at the store.  At 11am she started being reactive to my desire to run errands.  By 11:30 she was yelling at me and asking where her mother went. Around 12, she sat on the floor as I played a piece by her favorite group, The Piano Guys.  She fell asleep within 30 seconds waking up about 30 minutes later.

We did get out and ran one errand, came home and went to run to the next.  We walked into the doctor's office and she spent about 10 minutes talking with them then suddenly fell asleep while standing up at their desk.  "Just go ahead and lay her down over there."

The doctor walked in and I bring him up to speed on her story.  She stays asleep during the entire visit.  It was concluded when one of the secretaries decided they would help me load her into the car.  Yes, the entire appointment was completed while she was asleep.  Moments after the car started moving...she woke up.

....She can sleep, or outburst or have memory loss.  Or, any two or three can overlap, occur simultaneously - and yes..there's also the "blend" option which can all three and hopefully the sleeping is the last one.  Sometimes these last for maybe 20 minutes and sometimes longer.

Narcolepsy, Bipolar, - look at the whole picture!  She has an infection deep in her brain called PANDAS.  I am so grateful for simply having my memory, the discipline to control my emotions and the blessed fortune to wake up from sleeping through the night.  My artwork is the view of each day watching my child battling something she endures and while having no recall of. My treasure is enjoying her smiles when I see them and the creation of her artwork that she dreams of sharing with the world.

The Roaring Mouse

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I'm at a loss for words. It weighs heavy that you are going through this after all you've been through already. Your ability to focus on the positive is inspiring. Hugs.