Man, I'm tired! My eyes feel raw, like I've been crying, but I haven't been. It's just another day that starts out without having had enough sleep the night before. I'm weary. What didn't bother me before is starting to bother me, like needing to get Dad on the commode right before the aid arrives, knowing that I could have had help if only he could have waited 10 more minutes, but no, and it was only gas! Ugh. Then it's having him need to get on the commode 15 minutes after the aid leaves, but this time instead of making it in time, I now need to get a new Depends and fight to get it up one pant leg and down the other so I don't have to get him totally undressed. It wouldn't be a big deal, but the only way I can get him around is with a Serra lift... something we both hate, and appreciate.

Man, I'm tired! I try to go easy on myself and watch my attitude towards Dad... it's not his fault that it has been over a year of me being in pain 24/7 and not sleeping well. I am thankful that I finally found out that the cause is a recurrence of Lyme Disease. Now that I am on antibiotics again the pain is less, but the fatigue is unbelievable. If only a full night sleep didn't allude me, that way it wouldn't be disappointing that I only have an aid for one hour on Wednesdays now, instead of two. That's just not enough time to help her get dad ready for the day and then sneak in a nap. Sigh. I try to remain thankful for the 2 hours we have an aid on Mondays and 4 hours on Fridays. But still, I am so fatigued...

Man, I'm tired! I know it would be easy to wallow in this, but in the scheme of things this is but a fleeting moment in my life. One I will never get back. In the days ahead, after Dad is gone, I will ache and cry for just one more hard day with Dad.  Then my eyes will feel raw from tears, and then it really will be a hard day.

For now I will be tired, but be accepting of Dad, myself and this situation. I will go easy on him and myself, knowing that we will get through this, day by day, with God's help, and the love and support of our family and friends. I realize I may be tired, but I am blessed!