Someone Asked, "Am I Selfish?"

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Someone Asked, "Am I Selfish?"

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This morning I went to the website group for spouses who have spouses with FTD. The posts are often full of pain and heartbreak. One of the posts I read this morning was from a woman who wanted to know if she were selfish for wanting things to be over. Of course all responses were supportive and full of understanding. I am posting what I replied because I had an "aha" moment while I was replying. I hope sharing my way of processing the question about selfishness. I copied it and am pasting it below.

"I think it is natural to want to be out of suffering and stress bordering on traumatic stress, daily challenges, the grief of watching your loved one fade away, the loss of routine, friendships, outings....the list is so long. No, I don't think you are being selfish to wish this struggle was over. I had to come to a place of reconciliation in my mind and heart. I reconciled with the truth that my husband may be in my life and sick with FTD for a long time. I had not thought about it until just this minute but I think, in some way, I make an agreement with myself daily that I want to be here, that it is brutally hard for me and for him and that if I cannot handle full-time caregiving anymore I will place him in a facility. The thing that helps is that this is my decision, my choice, my understanding of the cost to my personal life and, for this day, I am choosing to have my husband at home in my care. Tomorrow may bring a different choice. Please don't guilt yourself. You are human and vulnerable, not selfish."

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Rock63

Thank you for a great thought provoking post. I appreciate your words and take them to heart.

Lillie Fuller

Very wise words Lark. We have chosen this journey, even if we say there is no one else to do it, there is always someplace we could \"send\" our carees where we wouldn't have to give care. There is no selfishness in Caregiving and there is certainly no selfishness in not wanting our carees to suffer. We see so much and we do what we think is right but despite our feelings of what will happen and when, we don't know that, we just have to trust that God will not let them suffer. I sure wouldn't call trusting in him selfish. I do what i have to do and trust that it is the right thing. Sure I don't want my mom to die but I don't want her to suffer. Am I selfish? NO! Okay, I got a little out of hand here... :) great post.