Sorting It Out

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Sorting It Out

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ball-1065139_640I'm a little better today. Not feeling so overwhelmed. Nothing has changed, Gary still has inoperable terminal lung cancer. The funny thing about that is it's not his lungs that will end his life it's his liver. His liver is 90% covered in cancer so it's kinda odd to call it lung cancer but that's where it started.

Dylan (my son) and I have been talking!! He knows what's going on we have talked about after. That's what we say, after. We don't say the words. He seems to be okay. I guess kids really are resilient? Dylan does NOT like to talk about things when his Dad is around. He says things like. "Shhh, here he comes." I have to remind him Dad knows he has cancer and he knows he's dying. Dad knows we have to make plans for us. I never in a million years thought I would be saying these things while he's so young.

Monday we need to do an MRI on his brain to see if it has went there also. I'm sure it has. I can see the changes. Mood swings, losing his balance and saying things like, "I don't care just get whatever I can't think," when I only asked would you like your bread toasted. Trying not to get my feelings hurt or get upset is a whole other story. I just say in my head, It's okay he's sick over and over and over.

The thing I'm finding the hardest right now is juggling my life!! I work as much as I can. So many doctors appointments. My house is dirty. My son is getting neglected. I should tell you he is 15 so not really. My dog stinks. But when I do have the time I'm exhausted!! I mean wiped out!! Pooped!! I am a very organized clean person!! Ha ha not anymore!!

I guess that's all for today. Time to get ready for work.

Thank you to everyone who sent kind words and encouragement--it really does help!! Chemo and radiation start not next week but the following week so keep us in prayer while we learn what that will be like.

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Monica

HI Tina, my husband has really serious cancer (now in the brain) and wondering how you and Dylan are doing. I really hope okay and I am so so sorry this terrible disease happened to your family. Love, Monica

Hussy

<a href='http://www.caregiving.com/members/tina101270/' rel='nofollow'>@tina101270</a> I can so appreciate the frustration of having to put neatness and organization on the back burner. It got to the point Chez Hussy where the dust bunnies needed their own zip code. I like Denise's idea of asking somebody who asks how they can help (and they're going to) to organize a house cleaning crew. It's been my experience that people really do want to help in a meaningful way and so they will gladly take their marching orders from you because they know they're providing you with the help you really need (and not the help they imagine you need, which in fact can actually be counterproductive). Don't be shy about asking for specific help. It may feel strange at first, but hey, you're in this for the long haul and you can't afford to burn out. I requested help with housework, yard work, pet care, driving to appointments, etc. Keeping you in my thoughts.

Denise

It's soooo much to sort out. I love that you are sorting out what most important and letting the other stuff (like cleaning) slide. (Just a thought: If anyone asks how they can help, ask if they can organize a crew to clean the house on a Saturday morning. I helped a friend's sister with house cleaning when she was diagnosed with cancer.) As odd as it feels to talk about after, I think it's incredibly important. If you don't talk about it, you can fall into the denial trap. it's painful, it's unfair, it's terrible. And, it's important that you talk about after so that you can function after. \r\n\r\nI'm so glad you are keeping us posted. Keep us posted as you can.

frogger16

I relate to the challenge of not taking it personally &amp; getting your feelings hurt. The disease steps in between you &amp; DH interupting the relationship youve known. Housework is incredibly patient &amp; has a way of waiting for you.....please takie care of you, with rest, replenishing yourself with what's needed to cope with the challenging days ahead. Hugs &amp; Prayers for you, Gary &amp; Dylan.

MikeLur

Tina, I'm glad to hear you're having a better day. It's awesome that you and Dylan are discussing things. He sounds like a caring, mature young man. Don't sweat the small stuff, you have more pressing things on your plate. My dad has said some not-so-nice things to my brother and I, but you just have to remember is not them, is the illness talking. You'll get through this.

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