Starting

analamas

Starting

analamas
IMG_3635(Tonight, we welcome a new blogger: Analamas. You can connect with her at her profile: @analamas.)

So I'm starting a new blog activity. Where to start?! Wow...

I've introduced myself, back "where?", somewhere in the CareGiving page - still in need of a lot of know how. But I'll do it again.

I'm Ana. From and in Portugal. Mother (Inês almost 17; Miguel just turned 15 - 21 months difference), divorced for 13 years, have a relationship - just not living together; boyfriend, strings attached; just too many family problems on each side; so keeping it as simple as possible; and I am unemployed. Have to be. My time is dedicated to my kids and unfortunately to the needs of my parents.

Inês and Miguel are really good kids. Good in school, very protective of their family, as helpful as teenagers can be. Inês is a healthy and beautiful girl, bright and dedicated student; Inês wants to be a veterinary or an environmental engineer. Miguel has some health problemas. He's been better lately. He has these horrible and enormous oral ulcers, really painful, really ugly, since the age of six. For a clear idea of the size, some can go up to 1.5 cm diameter. Doctors can't find the cause, so we just keep doing exams: I need Doctor House!

But Miguel is also a really bright kid. Top in his class: excellent grades. He wants to either be a civil engineer or a computor engineer.

I love them more than life itself.

Mum and Dad...

Dad has senile dementia, he is blind (almost any illness you can imagine his eyes have seen; truely), and has a very serious heart condition (bypass on the aortic valve, prostheses on both mitral and tricuspid valves and an automated implantable cardiac defibrillator).

Mum has Parkinson's, osteoporosis, and age related macular degeneration.

Hell doesn't break loose all of a sudden. It just creeps up on you, when you're trying to ignore it. And then yes, ignoring just doesn't do it, and you're in the very middle.

I'm an only child. Don't really share much. Haven't got the time to go out and mingle. At the end of the day, haven't even got the courage. Normally, days turn into nights, nights turn into days. It's just all the same.

I'm living with my parents. My house isn't far from theirs. But I constantly received phone calls - day, night - from my mother asking me to come over and help, either because my father had become aggressive, or because he had fallen down, or because she couldn't remember which pills to take or which to give Dad... So many reasons! Came to know one thing: you can only validate something when you go through the motions. So eventually, I just came over and stayed, with the kids, instead of driving over five, six, seven times a day.

I sometimes find the time to take a walk, but it's really difficult to keep my mind away from Mum and Dad. I have two dogs and a cat. Dad doesn't want the dogs and the cat here (it's too confusing for him since his dog died), so I go home everyday, with the kids, for a couple of hours, and we feed Bloom and Timber, take them for walks, and I do some work around the house.

It's just that clocks don't really play a leading role in my life nowadays. I sleep when I can, I'm awake when I'm needed. Mind you, I'm not an unhappy person. I feed on be alive. Life is much too important to be forsaken.

I guess some days I'm depressed. But then, some days are much easier.

But that's enough of my whimpering for today. Or I'll have nothing left to say the next time. :)

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