Still New at This

JoAnn

Still New at This

JoAnn
pill-506906_640Hello there. Well this afternoon evened out. I was changing Mom (my mother-in-law) and she said she was going to tell everyone that I was a good nurse. I gave her a hug and told her thank you and I apologized for blowing up at her. She said that it was okay. She didn't remember what had happened  between her and I. That's the first time I ever blew up at her. She's afraid that we are going to poison her. She questioned the liquid meds which is her potassium. I told her that the doctor ordered it and I would never ever poison her.

I sleep in the same room as her. Her hospital bed is in the living room and I sleep in the big recliner in case she needs me during the night. I think she had a dream that someone was going to poison her. That's when I woke up this morning hearing her tell Dad (my father-in-law), "Who knows what poison is in this?" It was her cup of juice. Dad reassured her that it was juice. He told her to taste it. She did. After that she was fine until Dad and my husband went to the store. That's when I blew up at her when I gave her the potassium  and she said she wanted proof. I felt so bad. I felt like running away. I went into another room and cried. I had to pull myself together because we don't like leaving her alone at all.

She finally drank her potassium medicine. She went to place her cup on her roll-along table and it fell  on the floor. The dog started barking. I had to show him that it was okay. I filled her cup with ice and gatorade juice to drink. When Dad and my husband came back everything was fine. Her daughter, Cheryl, has been sick and hasn't been able to come see her. They live here in Tennessee also.  They usually come once a week to give us a break so we can go take the trash to the dump and go for a ride. We are so in need of a break. The weather has been bad also. I'm hanging in there.  So that's how it went today.

Does anyone feel the same way? I mean, is this what it's like? It's been two months we have been constantly taking care of Mom. No one else cares enough to do it. We are the only ones who care.  I hope tomorrow goes better. Some days are good and some are bad. I pray to God to help us do better.

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Hansolosgirl

I'm in exactly that situation, including the blow ups. It's not a sustainable way to be. Please try to get a little space. It's so difficult. My SIL is on hospice in my home since dec. 30. And I've been in panic mode since. At this point nothing we can do will prevent nature from taking its course, but we must take care of ourselves also or we can't help the ones in our care. You must get some sleep and breathers more than once a week...even if it's just a room away. Blogging really helps!