Subtle and Powerful

Lark

Subtle and Powerful

Lark
Without meaning to I went off the grid from caregiving.com and from most of my connections over the past few days. It was not intentional yet, although I know better, it happened. The urge to drift along, isolate, let the world drift by while l watch it from my house pulled at me like an intense undertow off the coastline. Yesterday the home health nurse and the social services agent made a home visit. I had an appointment with my shrink and made a conscious decision, despite the allure of doing nothing, to do things that keep me in today and in touch with my life.

This is a short post. It may be one of the most important ones I have written if it helps someone else.

Watch for the overwhelming need to sleep, eat, stay inside except for the most essential of needs, feelings of self-loathing and a suspicion that no one will understand so why call. I talked about it with my shrink and he said it is a very real component of caregiving full time and the only antidote to sinking completely is to accept that, for now, this is my journey. It is not forever. It is not easy. There are no indicators of how many more miles are left to walk. These are the realities and the acceptance I need to embrace. Today is number one of try, try again. Pray for me and I will pray for you.

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