Sundays, Bloody Sundays

Don

Sundays, Bloody Sundays

Don
https://images.caregiving.com/unsafe/pr:small/plain/posts/0799e52b-bd18-408a-a7cd-2fb1bd8556f3/love-600x600-e1375707644401.jpgFirst published on April 12, 2012 on facingcancer.ca

There is little cause for me to bitch but I will anyway.

Every second Sunday is the day before chemo and I am growing to loathe them.

The tension builds throughout the day and much of it revolves around watching my beautiful wife just begin to regain momentum after 10 days of feeling crap since the last treatment and realizing that she’s about to get whacked again.

So, last post I promised to try to be helpful and, unlike others whom I care for, did NOT break any bones this weekend (Sorry about that Dr. Alex – that is a major drag.) so here goes.

If, like me, you’re sensitive to what others are feeling then the osmosis of fear and loathing will come into play.  I’m no scientist (majored in medieval studies and Yorrick the Barber had no advice on this front) so cannot explain a process by which to inoculate yourself to this symptom.  What I can do is suggest a few things:

1. The word of the day might be sublimate (esp. in psychoanalytic theory) divert or modify (an instinctual impulse) into a culturally higher or socially more acceptable activity.  In other words, find a way to direct your angst in a positive direction.  Encourage your partner.  Buy some flowers.  Go out for lunch.  Help out in an unexpected way.  Find a way to give them some quality time on their own – if that is what you think might help.  I promise, I’m going to try all of this next time ’cause so far I suck at this.

2. Another word of the day might be ‘shut up’ (OK…two words).  You will be subjected to what seems unreasonable sensitivity and criticism.  However, you’re not about to get injected with poison almost sufficient to kill you nor are you about to experience a list of side effects longer than a good sized Dachshund.  So, suck it up and do your best impression of a highly-absorbent emotional sponge.  While it might be temporarily relieving to respond, it will only make you feel like an idiot when you’ve had time to reflect.  That’s what I’m doing right now and hence this posting which, if I was a Catholic would probably be done in the privacy of the confessional and I would have some hope of absolution.  I’m on my own though and when all is said and done, the object of your love is struggling to get up the courage to face another round of abuse to the system.

3. Here’s the third (fourth if you’re a stickler for detail) word of the day – laugh.  Now, you gotta pick your spots on this one, but trust me – nothing can diffuse most situation more rapidly than a little giggle – especially at your own expense.  I get plenty of opportunity to do this such as getting all het up about why Apple TV won’t hold all the movies it used to and what the hell is wrong with this technology etc….Yes, I did exactly that and it wasn’t ’til much later in the day that I recognized the absurdity of expending energy on such a completely stupid subject and one which I will never ever take the time to understand.

4. Finally, the one word that can get you through almost everything – love.  We’re never stronger than when we can fully embrace the complete abandon of love given freely and as often as possible.  Or when we acknowledge the legions of people around us who are channeling their support and love our way.  Or when we see the brilliant smiles of our children.  Or when your partner supervises your two-year old getting the cutest damn haircut since the Beatles first arose from the muck of Liverpool.

I love you Katie.

Like this article? Share on social

2 Comments

Sign in to comment

Bob

Good advice Don. The best to both you and your wife. Bob