Surprise Reaction

Caregiving.com Archive

Surprise Reaction

Caregiving.com Archive
tear-drops-mdNo matter how much we prepare for something, ask for, anticipate and expect, some things we just are not ready for when it arrives.

Hospice 

It's a wonderful organization. They have been involved in my life more than once so I am familiar with them and appreciate what they do and how they do it. I always knew that when end of life care came for Hubby I would be glad to have their services and I have no doubts that I will be glad now that Hubby has finally qualified for it.

But WAIT!!

How come the news I was waiting for feels so bad? Why was this distressing? I should be relieved so why is this different than when my grandmother, mother and friends we cared for had them. We were glad to have Hospice on board then. Relieved actually that when we needed something, Hospice was a phone call away. Helpful and compassionate. Heck, Hubby and I even volunteered for our local Hospice. I expect nothing different in the level of care and attention, education and support. And yet, the tears came after the notification and they caught me off guard. stupid tears.

I've tried so hard to maintain a level of dignity for Hubby and the addition of Hospice will ensure I can continue to do that for the man who is piece by piece losing himself. Another piece gone is his ability to take his meds most of the time. I have started to hand feed them to him. A sip of water, pills, another sip of water. He has many times asked me what he should do first so I usually talk him trough by holding the cup and straw, encouraging a drink, inserting the pills and offering another drink. I don't have to do this every time but the frequency is increasing.

He is also experiencing more anxiety, most of the time upon waking from a dream he can't shake. He is always worried something is wrong, no matter how many times I assure him everything is fine. I can't even go to the bathroom without him opening his eyes if he suspects movement in the room, that usually comes in the form of the dogs jumping off his bed when I get up. Even the dogs want to know where I'm going and if everything is okay. One day I almost expect to find Hubby along with the dogs, lying in front of the bathroom door awaiting my exit :)

Yep, everything is fine as long as the tears stay away.

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4 Comments

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Denise

Hi Kathy--I'm thinking of you and Hubby. It's a sad time. There's gratitude for support and there's just sadness for what's to come. Please know we're with you during these moments. Thanks so much for keeping us posted.

ejourneys

I echo what everyone else here has said -- even though expected and fought for, this is a big transition. And it's hard. And there are so very many layers. Tug of war is right. Sending you much love, prayers, and (((Hugs))).\r\n\r\nLove the image of your bathroom entourage. :-)

EllysGdaughter

Dear Kathy, Your heart is involved in a tug of war, for sure. The stupid tears can be replaced with the tears that help through the transition from this stage into the next. I too love the picture of hubby and dogs waiting for you by the bathroom door! I would find it extremely difficult to go thru Hospice for my Hubby. It was so much easier to walk through that door with my Grandfather, my Step-Dad and my Friend but for my Hubby? Well, that would be a tougher task no matter what his illness/suffering. You are in the right place, it's time for some of that grieving process to start. May my prayers cover you during this time.

Sue

It is rough. My dad is on hospice (also for Dementia) and he has now made it through the first 60 days and was re-evaluated this past week. I could tell that my mom was almost hoping they would say he was doing too well to be on hospice, but was also desperate to keep him in hospice as well. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I hope that they will give you and your husband comfort and some peace of mind.