Tears

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Tears

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experimental raindrop bokeh (hbw 3) experimental raindrop bokeh (hbw 3) (Photo credit: jmtimages)


Inspired by @ejourneys, as so many others have been in her latest post, I was thinking about the need to cry out in grief this morning.

For some reason, I don't feel allowed to have emotions, let alone cry them out once in a while. When I do want to cry, I don't seem to be able to release those tears. I wake up pretty much every day grieving about something, whether it be financial worries, divorce, the multiple traumas that happen every day (e.g. dinner and Mom), and my life plan and eventually I land here and receive validation beyond my expectations.

Every day as caregivers we grieve. We grieve ourselves, we grieve the loss of our parents and our carees, those we love and seem to be losing, including ourselves. Pegi (@worriedwife), I feel for you so much about your husband and hope you don't mind my reply in a blog. I can't imagine what it's like to care for a spouse just as others say they can't imagine what it's like to care for parents.

I wonder if not allowing ourselves to cry is a defense mechanism so we can cope with the daily challenges and if that is why I love the Three Positives group.

But it's essential to let those emotions out, even if it's hitting a pillow. Living  with my parents, I lose sight of how strong I am (that was hard to type :)!). Divorce, Moving, Caring For Parents, Navigating The Medical System In A New County, The List Goes On.

I'd like to encourage people to write out just what I did so they can see how strong they are. I see it every day in posts, blogs, people dropping things to be there for me and for each other. And I'd like to know if anyone has insights or can relate to the block to crying things out.

Lastly, Mom made me laugh this morning. She was sneezing and said, "I think I'm allergic to mornings!"

Always, il

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Il

Pegi, thank you. It's dinner now and I'm getting so much pressure to be there for something I don't eat and so many mixed emotions. It's amazing every time I post a blog the next one comes up . . like mixed emotions . . . and every time I get a sigh of relief from you guys. And for some reason I am surprised at the positive, I think no I know I'm used to criticism and I expect it and I'm sensitive so thank you! Oh that's a good suggestion to emote in the shower ( laugh . . . I don't always get privacy there either my parents come in! ) Hoping this vent will give you guys a peak into the next 'il chapter' :)\r\n\r\nxxooxoooxo\r\n\r\nil

Il

Oh Jan welcome to this site! Yes anticipatory grief is huge but I don't think that makes grieving any easier or the loss any easier. You hit the nail on the head when you say you're condemned for feeling . . yup! And for the suggestion about church and for being there Jan! (((((((hug)))))))) back!

darciejane

I have a bit of a cry sometimes when I'm driving back from my mom's place to mine. Something just wells up in me and it feels more like anger and frustration than anything else. I think, things aren't so bad, what is this about? But it feels good somehow. I don't have as much to deal with as you do, and I have plenty of alone-time in the midst of all this, in which to sort through my feelings. I do tend to have my little pity party from time to time, and it's good for clearing my head and doing better the next day.

Il

Hey EJ can I come into your house or into that head of yours??? You're a Godsend! ((((hugs back))))))) Yes, I'm the middle of gee what's wrong with you so I haven't cried for so long. Need a good one! Hmmmm subplots to cry that's good . . oh I cried during Mudd the movie . .yeah! I'm human!\r\nil

ejourneys

Hi, Il -- I cry pretty easily, but my partner's been learning to cry, too. The bottom line is that we both have a safe space to be that vulnerable. (We both grew up in households where we received the response, \"Stop crying, or I'll give you something to <i>really</i> cry about!\")\r\n\r\nMy mother, who was stoic through her stressful job and severe heart condition, cried during Marx Brothers movies. My father and I would be laughing at all the antics, but my mother focused on the subplots: the lovers would be separated or the theater would have to close -- and those scenes were safe places for her to cry.\r\n\r\nMarge Piercy's poem \"For Strong Women\" always gets my waterworks going: http://www.breakoutofthebox.com/strongwomen.htm (((Hugs)))

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