Tell Us: Do You Worry That One Day You Just Can't?

Denise

Tell Us: Do You Worry That One Day You Just Can't?

Denise
beads-363644_640My mom has had two difficult weeks so I'm doing my best to help as much as I can. Arthritic pain in her back kept her down for a few days. Although the pain is better, she's moving slower and struggling to get back to the activities she enjoyed just a few weeks ago.

With my parents needing more and more help from me, I had a thought a few days ago: What if, one day, I just can't? What if they both, for instance, have the flu? How would I provide the care they need? What if their slow but steady decline suddenly becomes rapid and intense? How would I keep up with knowing what to do and how to do it?

I do have a game plan in mind. I know which home health agency I'll use when we need more help. I can use a home health agency not only to help provide care but to show me how to perform caregiving tasks, as well. In addition, my older sister suggested a meeting with the siblings after the holiday to begin divvying up tasks and responsibilities.

It's still a worry, though, that one day I'll have to do something that I just can't--either because I don't have the skill set, the physical ability or just the wherewithal.

Do you worry that one day you can't provide the care that's needed? Do you have your back-up plans in place, your Plans B, C and D?

Share your thoughts and experiences in our comments section, below.

Like this article? Share on social

6 Comments

Sign in to comment

Teresa

I was thrown into caregiving for my mom with this exact concern. It has been a constant issue since the beginning as a result of lack of finances, resources and support. Throughout this journey, I never knew whether Mom's hospitalizations were the gateway to skilled living for her. I am chronically ill too. I have the same concerns about myself. It is only me and my mom. I do not have siblings. My family doesn't really seem to be interested in what will happen to either one of us. It scares me beyond words. It is the reason I really stress the importance of creating a guide or plan in the case one of us or God forbid both of us can no longer continue living independently.\r\n\r\nWhen I could afford it, I would hire a home health care agency. However, at this time, I am utilizing community support services to help take pressure of of me to help with my mom. They are also helping me with my own matters. It is still new. However, it seems to be promising. I have to be resourceful and creative in finding services within the community or through my city or state agencies to help me as a caregiver and a disabled adult strive in an independent setting. Otherwise, I keep long-term planning in mind. It is my goal to continue to devise a plan including my mom in the ongoing discussions. It may be something the community support team can assist with as well. \r\n\r\nWhen it came to caring for my grandma, I did devise a plan A, B, C, D and alternate D1. Following traditional European beliefs, my grandma refused any outside help even when my mom hired someone. Legally, the person had to leave when my grandma asked her to leave. My mom returned not knowing my grandma dismissed the woman. My grandma believed it had to be only family or very close friends. This caused plenty of undue harm. She would have rather died than go into a skilled nursing facility. I wish my mom and I would have known about this site then! Despite tons of family drama, it was known that as her illness progressed, she would have to be put into skilled care. My aunts interceded when my mom was falling due to caregiver burnout, yet refused to be involved with any plan beforehand. I advocated for them to collaborate and then follow the plans I created to no avail. In this experience, I learned how important standing united as family is planning for long-term care. I also learned how challenging family drama can make it. I purchased \"Hard Questions For Adult Children and Their Aging Parents\" by Susan Piver to help serve as a guide. My family rejected it, unfortunately. I have used part of it in discussions with my mom and planning for her long-term care and even my own. \r\n\r\nOnce I find it in a packed box, you can have my copy, <a href='http://www.caregiving.com/members/denise/' rel=\"nofollow\">@denise</a>. It may help you and your family. It is a really good book. Much that can be overlooked &amp; challenging to ask and consider is outlined well.

LilMagill

I'm very scared of this. I think already, what if something happens to me or my husband or my son? I'm going to call a local senior care manager sometime soon for a consultation. Maybe she can help me with backup plans.

dondimarie

Every Day...usually after he Screams at me. I'm 4 yrs into this and exhausted, 6 months ago I was diagnosed with Hep C... which is slowly killing me. Im still not on a treatment and Im so weak, Taking him pee hurts my body. More later Got to take dad to the Dr's I have a lot to say on this topic!...............

Larry

We have just started a care notebook with all of mom's info and cares just in case.

jan

My husband and I had a brain-storming session this summer about all the possible what-if's we could come up with and admitted what probably will happen is nothing like it. Two years down the caregiving road, my sister is declining to care for my mom when I can't, due to the intensity of the care. We have an assisted living facility in our area which will accept residents on a temporary basis for short-term stays, in addition to permanent stays. While my husband is here from out-of-state and my daughter's baby is due at any time, we are placing my mom in the facility for a minimum of ten days, to see how she likes it, how they like her. We had completed all the paperwork for this to be in place and are just waiting on the doctor's approval. My mother will have an assessment on the day she checks in. Granted, this is a large expense but my sister and I both agree that my mother's money is well spent this way. If it goes well, we will have my mother stay there in March when I fly home to Ohio to attend to personal appointments, and possibly next summer if my mother is unable to make the trip as she has the last two years. Worst case scenario is that we put the Florida house up for sale and use the proceeds for the facility and I go back to Ohio to live and look for work again. Shudder. Not \"going there\".

See more comments