Thank you for this topic. My mom has severe Alzheimer's and recently has declined significantly. Hospice is caring for her in a memory care unit. Sometimes I just cry when I am visiting her, and I feel so bad that's happening because sometimes then she cries too. She is comfortable for the most part but eating much less and rarely has the strength to get out of bed now. I try to pray when we are together or read something uplifting to her. Sometimes we just hold hands. She has a hard time talking now yet seems aware of it and frustrated by the nonsense she hears herself saying. The visits are sad and draining but most of the time I am the only family member who visits her. For most of the winter I have had little contact with friends or family. It is hard to always be the one to reach out under these circumstances. \"Hi, how are you? Me? Oh, you know--Mom is dying and I feel like shit. Nice weather!\"

A hard topic to address! How do I deal with the sorrow watching my DH decline? How do I cope? Honestly, there are days I don't cope with it and get sucked down into what feels like a bottomless pit of darkness. I feel like Im going to drown in my sorrow. BUT then by the grace of God and caring friends support on this web site, I get pulled back up out that darkness and back into the sonlight. \r\nI cope better in the sonlight, reaching out and allowing others in, being open to trying options, looking for new opportunities, taking care of myself better through rest, diet & exercise. I do best when I don't look back and compare \"then\" to \"now\". I do better living in the \"now\" with my hubby and being grateful for the joys of the day we share together..

\"Grief over a caree's decline\". That's it. Isn't it's? That's what causes the shock (How can you be shocked by the same thing over and over?) You can. That's what causes the depression. Maybe it's the reason for the high death rates among caregivers. Soon after my husband's stroke, in 2012, my son said, we (he and his brother )want you to get back to your activities: singing in the choir, line dancing, yoga and having lunch with your home girls. I Will come over and stay with Dad,and when I can't make it brother will. God bless them! I realize, now that they saved my life. After another decline, I joined a support group,a little later a friend a I started our own. I Always express my feelings through writing poetry.