Tell Us: How Do You Manage Your Caree's Money When Spending Money Helps You?


Tell Us: How Do You Manage Your Caree's Money When Spending Money Helps You?

cash-register-78741_640We had an interesting conversation in our chat room the other night.

One of our members shared how overwhelmed and burnt-out she feels. We did our best to come up with ideas to help as well as share words of encouragement. Her caree won't accept outside help and she also won't spend money to hire outside help. Her caree has dementia but her awareness around money is keen.

What an awful dilemma. Money is available to spend on care, but the caree doesn't want to spend money on care so the family caregiver can't get a break from caregiving. It's a true recipe for disaster.

The ethics of the situation really struck me. The family caregiver holds durable power of attorney. Do you spend a caree's money on care? Certainly, hiring help improves care but could you do that without your caree's consent? Could you do that behind a caree's back, so to speak?

Siblings add another dimension. How do you communicate decisions about spending money on care with siblings without launching WW III? Spending your caree's money means dipping into your siblings' inheritance. You hope siblings will support a decision to improve care but when some see a hand in the cash register, they may do what they can to protect what they believe to be theirs, even before it is theirs.

I'm curious what you think about this situation. How have you handled a similar situation? Have you involved an objective  third party, like a geriatric care manager, trust officer or elderlaw attorney? What have you learned from your situation that can add insight into this situation?

Share your thoughts in our comments section, below.

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Ah, this situation is so close to mine.............I have a family attorney..........He actually had know both my parents for decades............This certainly helps because I had my siblings accuse me of spending Mom's money on me and he helped to diffuse their accusations. In the beginning, when Mom could not be alone, they did not want to help, but they had plenty of criticism. The money issue destroyed our relationships and family. That is their choice. Instead of discussing, what is best for Mom, they wanted to discuss the will and the money!?((*L%#!\r\n\r\nMy Mom does not want outside help, but guess what? She has dementia and she does not know what is best. She does not understand that she cannot be alone. She is a danger to herself and me, alone. She is getting the help because I have to have my own life too! If I am stuck and stressed out and burned out, I am no good to her. If she keeps hurting herself, that is no good for her. As her power of attorney (durable) I don't need her consent on money anymore. She doesn't even remember that she has money. She does not know what is best for her well being and mine. I could actually write a book on this subject. My siblings are aware that each one of them that had power in the past and lost it because they didn't use it. They failed Mom and failed to act when it was necessary.. They now know that they have no legal right to chime in about her care and tell me how to spend her money etc.


Wow- what a difficult situation! I would love to hear the solutions that are brought to the table!