Tell Us: What's the Most Insensitive Comment You've Received?

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Tell Us: What's the Most Insensitive Comment You've Received?

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gerbera-257129_640Last week, my mom returned home for one of her bridge games very upset because of a comment from a fellow player. My dad had been fighting a bad cold, which was a huge concern given his upcoming surgery. My mom expressed her concerns about the cold, to which a player responded, "Maybe this a sign that you should consider options other than surgery."

To which my mom replied, "We want him to live! My whole family is in agreement that he should have this surgery."

The insensitive comment, which felt unkind and inappropriate, stayed with my mom for a few days. "Why say anything," she said, "if you can't say something supportive?"

So, I wonder: What's the most insensitive comment someone has said to you about an upcoming treatment or surgery? When has someone said something completely off-base to you about your caree's diagnosis or care decision? When has a rude comment about your caregiving situation left you tongue tied?

Share as many insensitive comments as you'd like in our comments section, below.

P.S. My mom has spread her share of insensitive comments. She has a friend whose grandson entered rehab for a video game addiction a few years ago. My mom will ask her friend how he's doing. And, then she'll ask, "Is he still short?" Oh, my.

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Flash

Just a little background. In the last six years, my wife has had two broken hips (separately) , two heart attacks, a mini stroke and is in dialysis for ESRD (not everything but the biggies). I am disabled as well but since she is in worse condition I take care of her. I have three comments_mysql that are tied. My brother said that my wife is lazy and doesn't do anything. My mother told me I should divorce her so I am not \"tied down\". The third one was actually from my wife. She said that I need to take better care of myself because if I die, who will take care of her?

lookingheavenward

I love when people would ask how much medication my Mom was on and then would say wow - she just needs to get off of everything and then she will be just fine. I would try to say, you try having the MOST PAINFUL disease known to man and then have someone take away all of your pain medication! Some people just don't think before speaking. Another of my favorites is when Mom answers the phone and people say wow you sound great, you don't sound sick at all! Or they say if Mom would just get up and move around and exercise through the pain, she would feel better. I explain that she is bedridden and movement makes her worse. People are so free with their advice and very lacking in compassion

PearLady

Yolanda, you and I are on the same wavelength again. I was just thinking of that for an insensitive comment. It's sort of embarrassing, no matter what end of the spectrum one is, and on the extreme end it could be interpreted very badly. Unless it's coming from another caregiver, then I think it's not really. \r\n\r\nFor a lot of the insensitive comments_mysql, it seems it's all about the intent and context.

yolanda

This isn't about my carees diagnosis but I find it insensitive when people ask if I get paid or how much. In my heart I know they mean well they are asking if I get compensation for all I do but in my head I think how rude of you to ask what I get paid or who is paying me, I was taught never to ask anyone about their wages it's none of my business. I have never been asked this question so much in my whole working life.

teleswede

I find my mother prefers my care to anyone elses. This irritatates me sometimes that I am wiping her and struggling to get her pants up while the paid aides watch, but for some reason it is what my mom wants.

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