Paperwork, phone calls that aren't returned, insurance company fighting Rx refills multiple times though the diagnosis hasn't changed and Mom has already been through trying many other meds to get her to this point of comfort. Finding lost items--or not finding them and needing to go through replacing them. Guilt--that somehow I am not doing enough, although logically I know that's ridiculous! Still, there is so much Mom needs and I am just one person.

My emotions. Sometimes I \"care too much\" or \"feel too much.\" Then I have to back off and remind myself to not use up all my reserves.

The thing that drains me is not having \"down\" time to be sick or lazy for a day. Elly doesn't like dishes left out for very long, chairs have to be in the same place, and if I am sick, she will \"take care of me.\" There are no Pajama days or rearranging furniture. . . she questions just about every load of laundry I carry out or in. I feel tapped out when Elly asks me to have my sisters over for dinner some time and I have just spoken with them about inviting her over!!! I am surprised at how well I have coped for these 5 1/2 years, thinking it would be just a couple!

The why's, followed by the yes, but's as in: Why did we have to move? Why can't I have my things? Who said we had to leave our house? (Dad interjected here and gave my brother's name - something I was grateful for at the time - and brother didn't mind in the least) Why can't we at least have a bigger place? Yes, but WHY did we have to move?\nIt loops and loops and she'll get angrier and angrier.\nI've told myself to just respond to the first \"why\" by saying, \"Gosh, look at the time. I have to go now\", but I know my Dad would bear the brunt of everything then. Fortunately it doesn't happen too often right now...but all it takes is one.... little .... change.

I am being drained from loss and grief. I cannot concentrate, feel like in a fog, want to be alone, and generally not coping too well. I miss my mother so much and now I don't have any energy to the things I wanted to do but couldn't while being a caregiver.