Tell Us: What's Your Caregiving Lie?


Tell Us: What's Your Caregiving Lie?

truth-257160_640I stood at a subway station yesterday in downtown Chicago and enjoyed really clever billboards promoting SciShow. One billboard in particular caught my attention: A pair of pants on fire framed by this statistic: During a 10-minute conversation with a stranger, we tell three lies during the first 10 minutes.

That stat sent me into my mind files, flipping through my memories of recent conversations. Which lies did I tell? I sometimes wish I could lie about where I live (I live with my parents), I usually lie about money (people ask me all the time how I make money doing this), and I always lie about whether or not I like someone (I don't).

We lie out of shame or discomfort or envy. We also lie out of convenience--the truth often seems so wildly that we can't fit it in a sentence.

I'm curious: What's the lie you tell about your caregiving situation? Is it a lie you told once or one that you tell on a regular basis because the lie is just so much easier than the truth?

Tell us your caregiving lie in our comments section, below.

And, no judgment from us about your lie because, hey, we lie, too.

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Barb, thank you for that. A smart VA shrink once told me, \" You can't protect him (husband) from the experience of having ALS.. l\r\nAnd life's wisdom added: \"But you can walk this journey with him, and make it easier.\" It's helped me let go of trying to make things perfect, and give myself permission to say no. ...One lie I do often is ask friends what's happening in their lives when I'm too tired or stressed to listen to their response.


I think I \"lie\" creatively to my Grandmother the most. I know she wouldn't really understand nor need to know some things. There are times when I talk with her son and we share in confidence, so I will say \"I haven't heard from him lately\" when she asks. I tell Grandma's friends at church that Elly is fine but would really appreciate a visit from them. They don't need to know stuff that we deal with and why she isn't doing well either emotionally or physically - just come and visit, she'll rise to the occasion! Now that I work longer hours, I have chosen to \"lie\" giving me a half hour every day to go shopping or have a cup at Starbucks before I head home. Those situations are what I stick to in the \"Lie\" department because making up lies and keeping the story straight would be impossible for me!! I believe the biggest \"Lie\" I live with comes from Elly herself, Grandma won't tell us what is on her heart about how she wants to live out her last years. She will instead say what is expected, nice and what she is willing to live with!!


I think one of my biggest lie is people asking if they can me with mom, I usually say I am ok I got every thing handle. I lie when I don't tell my brothers that I know they could help me more.


The most frequent lie I tell is probably the most common: Oh, she's fine. I'm fine. We're fine. Lies of omission. I've discovered that when I complain about any kind of personal problem to another person, I have to then hear their response to it, which I might not like. So, I'm fairly circumspect about who I share what with.


Well, I certainly have lied about caregiving. Not so much, oh I think I will lie, but more like saying \"we are doing fine\"\r\nwhen I know someone really doesn't want to hear the answer. And sometimes that same lie was to myself, that I wasn't fine and that I did need help. Not that it was anyone business, but I didn't like admitting that my mother-in-laws social security helped pay the bills while we were caring for her.\r\n\r\nAnd boy to I relate to \"the truth often seems so wildly that we can’t fit it in a sentence\"