The worst experience came after my mother-in-law died. One of my sister-in-laws was living in the family house. She was supposed to be making payments towards buying the house, but had stopped paying anything for months. Her sibs finally had to evict her as she wouldn't discuss anything rationally. She still, years later, sees herself as a victim and will have nothing to do with her sibs.\nSo, with this in our past, when my parents started needing a lot of help, we had some minor skirmishes in the beginning. I'm the only one in state. I'd get phone calls from each of them saying, \"I always got along with you, but I'm not sure about ___(sibling b & c)\". I didn't want to deal with sibling drama so I wrote to all my sibs and was very direct.\nI asked that we acknowledge how we each respond to the stress with our parents - my older sister works in a nursing home and will be giving us advice and feeling guilty because she can't afford to come out often. My youngest brother married a woman who is 24 years older than he is. He is the most attached to our parents and he has anxiety issues, too. He sees even the assisted living apartments as being like a prison. His wife isn't that much younger than our parents. He will react to everything very personally and be over protective of mom and dad. Our middle brother is the only one in the family who has a job that pays well - very well. He takes care of the finances and, when there's an issue, calls and says, \"What do they need and how much is it going to cost me?\", then demands action immediately - in a CEO way. I also told them that my reaction would mostly be trying to keep the peace. \nSomehow, it has worked so far. I think they thought it was humorous enough, they got it without being offended. \nThat said, my brothers occasionally get after me if I complain about mom too much. She can push my buttons like no one else can. I try to be gracious and have gotten better about it. Finding this group will help, for sure!

I'm so thankful that, almost two years into my role as a caregiver to my husband, we've had no family disagreements about his care. (Or at least, if anyone has disagreed with me, they didn't tell me to my face lol.) My husband's mother and sisters know that I'm organized, tenacious, and not afraid to question anything. I think they also appreciate the fact that I keep their sometimes-too-laissez-fair son/brother on track vis-a-via diet, meds, exercise, etc. Crack that whip! :)