Tell Us: When Do You Feel Judged?

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Tell Us: When Do You Feel Judged?

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graphics-882726_640In December, my mom needed to have her blood and urine tested after an appointment with a nephrologist. Because the doctor's office is in the hospital, we were able to head straight to the lab for my mom's tests.

My mom struggled with the urine sample so I helped as best I could. My dad sat in the crowded waiting room. Once my mom was done, I looked for a nurse to show her the very little sample we collected to make sure they could use it.

My dad, in the meantime, worried about lunch and the (fake) Christmas tree I had for them in my car.

So, a second after I finished speaking with the nurse, my dad started his questions and commandments:

"Are you having lunch with us?"

"Park downstairs and I'll meet you and then we'll take the Christmas tree out of the car and up the elevator."

I offered my answers:

"I have to work so can't make lunch today. I will just park at the front door and use the luggage cart to bring in the tree." (I am often frustrated by my dad, who thinks I'm not a successful business person but who is always irritated that I have work to do.)

He argued:

"Just park in the garage and we'll carry it to the elevator."

Ugh. This is when I lose my patience at the thought of carrying a boxed Christmas tree from the car to the elevator when I can simply load it on a luggage cart. I figured it out so no one -- especially my dad -- has to carry the tree.

So, I argue back and win the argument.

And, that's when I remember we're standing in a crowded hospital waiting room arguing (loudly because my parents can't hear with or without their hearing aids) about lunch and a Christmas tree. I catch the eye of a woman, who's watching. Is she smiling because she understands? Or because she thinks I'm a horrible daughter?

If she wasn't judging me, I certainly was by this time.

So, I'd love to know: When do you feel judged?

Share your experiences and stories in our comments section, below.

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4 Comments

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Julie Mcd

I'm caregiver for my alcoholic father age 84, who I had sober for a year and then ..... well, if you've ever dealt with addiction, it is a roller coaster. I was reading stats yesterday that 1 in 10 seniors on Medicare drink too much! To add insult to injury, he has COPD, is on full-time oxygen and took up smoking again after mom passed 8 years ago. I manage 3 business's and work both in and outside the home. We switched primary care providers due to a \"judgement\" situation, his current providers are surprisingly understanding - firm but compassionate. I completely control his alcohol intake/use and require him to remove his oxygen and roll his own cigarettes. I have wrestled with this situation. Dad has chronic depression and, at this point, his only source of joy is his glass of wine at dinner. It's not a perfect situation but it is managed.

Terry

I feel judged by my husband's family who haven't participated at all in his care, and yet questions him why I'm not doing more. I feel judged by my Boss who would prefer me in the Office 8 hours a day instead of the 4 hours that I'm there and the 4+ hours a day that I work from home due to the high cost of hiring a full time caregiver to watch over my husband.

Jean

I often felt judged when people would say they couldn't do what I was doing (taking care of bedridden MIL at home). One person in particular would say that God had special place for me in heaven... but it came off in a very sarcastic manner. There was a constant undertone of why don't you put her in a home.

Lillie Fuller

I feel judged when I have to take my mom to the ER. The last visit, which was when she fell, she had a very large knot on her head. I had been outside doing yardwork so when EMT's got here, I was sweating bullets, I had to explain to them that I was not a drug addict, I was sweating bullets because of yardwork. When I got to the hospital and was sitting in the hall with my mom I could feel people staring at her and me about the bump on her head. Then of course the DR. has to ask what happened and if someone pushed her or hit her.. I have a clear conscience but it's awful the games my mind plays.