Tell Us: When Do You Feel Resentful?

Denise

Tell Us: When Do You Feel Resentful?

Denise
cat-574276_640This morning on Your Caregiving Journey talk show. @goinhome, who cared for her mom and cares for her dad, joined me to talk about the insidious feeling of resentment. (Listen to our show archive.)

Linda shared that she resented her mom, her mom's doctors and her husband. We talked about what makes resentment so difficult--we're pointing our finger at someone (or something) and saying, "I resent YOU." Oh, gosh that's hard.

Linda mentioned that resentment can be one of the toughest emotions to talk about. So, let's talk about when you feel resentment. Share your experiences in our comments section, below.

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Hussy

I resent my sister-in-law when she complains about being poor. Her husband has a good job and she would be continuously employed if she shelved her my-way-or-the-highway diva attitude. She's a very gifted chef but she has been fired from at least eight jobs in the five years I've known her. Does not play well with others, namely management. She blows all their money on frivolous crap like luxury food items and henna tattoos and then whines that they don't have any money to pay for dental work, car repairs, replacing a broken cell phone, [insert \"normal life\" purchase of your choosing here]. Meanwhile my husband and I are struggling to stay afloat on my income. I work one full-time job and two part-time jobs just to make ends meet. We live an absolutely Spartan, no-frills life. My full-time job can be very demanding. My boss can be a total jerk but I suck it up because we need the money. Gee, wish I had the luxury of telling him off and getting fired so I could go spend my husband's salary on filet mignon and spa days.

Arthur

I haven't logged on in a while, but I felt the need to express my feelings on this question.\r\n\r\nWhat resentment do I have the most? Easy, I have resentment AND anger at both my mother(the person I care for) and my brother.\r\n\r\nThe negative feelings I have toward my brother are easy to explain as he is not anywhere in the \"picture\", whatsoever when it comes to the care of our mother. Here it is, Mother's Day, at 7:35pm, eastern time, and my brother has still not called our mother to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. Just the icing on the cake for the lack of caring for his mother and the entire family. \r\n\r\nMy mother, on the other hand, I have torn feelings about her and her beliefs. I am trying my best to be considerate of her feelings and trying to understand her being a mother to my brother and myself. What I continue to fail to understand is the fact she will not \"call out\" her older son for the lack of assistance he has provided and her continued belief that he will \"do the right thing\". \r\n\r\nI am currently living AWAY from MY family to help my mother adjust to some new surroundings and I have no idea when I will be able to go home. \r\n\r\nI am angry.

Lillie Fuller

I feel resentment toward my sister, I think it's her, \"I DO WHAT I CAN\" attitude. What she does is nothing! She doesn't call, she doesn't come by, she doesn't even write. I guess she feels it's enough to bring Christmas presents. In my opinion she can keep those.

Linda

Hey <a href='http://www.caregiving.com/members/denise/' rel=\"nofollow\">@denise</a>! As usual, I enjoyed our talk this morning so much. It really is like having a cuppa coffee with you (it doesn't hurt that I have actual coffee with me). \r\n\r\nI remembered something after the interview, and it's a very important point with me and with the memoir. Writing this memoir is so difficult, as I'm reliving my caregiving time with mom every time I write. The resentment, sometimes, is palpable during those moments. I made a vow in the very beginning with this project, though, and it helps...I promised myself that I would write with love, respect, and forgiveness.\r\n\r\nWhen I return to those three attributes, then I can alter my scathing comments_mysql to become more caring. After all, I don't have my mother's input on this project, so I have to give her the benefit of any doubt I have that she ever loved, respected, and forgave me as well.\r\n\r\nKudos to all the great work you do for all your caregivers. I'm scrimping to get one of those green t-shirts to wear during the third Saturday Farmers' Market here! Plus, yay for Larry -- he deserved that help. You're doing wonderful work, lady. Thank you.