Tell Us: When Do You Hate the Caregiving Experience?

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Tell Us: When Do You Hate the Caregiving Experience?

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angers-427830_640Recently, a visitor to the site posted this comment on one of my Ask Denise columns ("I Hate This"):

"My mother was the most active 86 yr old you ever saw. One day she tried to move a piece of furniture. She hurt her back, which led to an unbelievable chain of events. Hospitals, ER, nursing homes. It’s a nightmare. The bad happenings keep coming. She is at home with me, has a visiting RN. I absolutely hate being a caregiver. My life is on indefinite hold. This a year after I retired and looked forward to so many things, including activities with Mother. And I resent folks who comment, 'Good thing you retired when you did, so you can take care of Mother.' I’d scrub floors if that would have spared Mother (and me) this hell."

I wonder: When do you hate the caregiving experience? When do you have moments when you just can't think of anything other than, "I hate this!" So much happens that makes the day difficult -- the family dysfunction, the health care red tape, the tight budget, the need for more patience than you can buy, the constant and continual decline. It's understandable that you would feel intensely toward caregiving. Maybe it's not every day and maybe it's only happened a few times. Perhaps it happens more than you'd like to admit.

In our comments section, below, tell us when you just hate this experience called caregiving.

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9 Comments

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Robin Weeks

Maybe \"hate\" is too strong a word. It is more tired of it and I resent the amount of time taken from my life, I do hate some things like having to buy \"nappies\". I am fortunate in that my Mother lives in an assisted living building where she has her own apartment and nursing care. She still has her mind, reads constantly but has little physical strength which I watch decline. She refuses to go the seated exercise classes they have on a daily basis. I get so frustrated that she won't wear her hearing aids and I have to yell at her. I do miss that I can't have a conversation with her because it takes so much effort and I don't want to try.\r\n\r\nShe comes out to my place in the country on weekends. I do hate that she is so needy all the time. We do have some laughs and I try to treasure those moments. It is not fun being the \"nag\" as she calls me when I tell her to use her cane because she is so wobbly on her feet.

EllysGdaughter

I really hate when Control Issues on the part of my Caree make me feel disrespected and not valued. Control issues just beg me to throw out my own tolerance and push back in unhealthy ways. My way of being is never acknowledged by my Caree and I have to put up with lots of negative talk!

JoAnn

I do not Hate what I do. I love my MIL so much. I get a little frustrated from time to time, but I do not hate it. We may need a break to get away for a little while. We need to get fresh air and just do something different. I don't hate what I do. Thanks for letting us comment on this.

Hussy

This is going to sound petty but my worst time of day is when I get out of work (my day job) and head home. I feel as though I'm going to my \"second job\" without a break. And by the way, I do have two other part-time jobs. So sometimes I head home to deal with whatever is awaiting me, knowing I'll have to head out to my nighttime job a couple hours later. I love my husband to pieces but he is a space cadet (chemo brain) and a bit of a slob organizationally speaking so I never know what I'll come home to. It seems as though he leaves a debris trail throughout the house -- every cupboard open, every closet open, dishes in the sink, receipts and change and keys scattered everywhere, clothes on the floor, lets the cats and dogs go into the off-limits rooms, empty cups and Gatorade bottles all over the house - it makes me crazy. I feel as though so much of our life is out of control so I really need my home to be neat and orderly.

lookingheavenward

I hate the helpless feeling, when I can't \"fix\" everything that ails Mom.

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