Tell Us: When Do You Irrationally Believe It's Your Fault?


Tell Us: When Do You Irrationally Believe It's Your Fault?

food-624603_640On Friday, the hospital held a small farmer's market in the courtyard off the cafeteria.

I stopped by the market after eating lunch and on my way back to my mom's room. As I admired the pies, I overheard a staff member raving about its bread called "Morning Glory." "Oh," I thought, "that's for mine."

With $2.99 less in my pocket, I headed to my mom's room where my sister kept my mom company as she picked around her lunch tray. My mom started solid foods on Thursday but had yet to receive anything on her tray which looked appetizing or tasted good.

"Look what I bought," I said, showing them both the bread. I cut a piece for myself and passed the bread to my sister. "Do you want a piece, Mom?" I asked. Of course she did--the bread, moist and fresh from the oven, looked awesome. Her lunch--burnt ground beef and green beans--didn't. So, the three of us each enjoyed a piece of bread which contained carrots and raisins.

I didn't care if the bread met my mom's mechanical soft diet restrictions. I just wanted her to enjoy something good.

When I arrived at the hospital on Saturday, I immediately saw a sign on my mom's door--"NPO." She was back to nothing by mouth. When I entered the room, I knew from my parents' faces that all was awry.

My first thought was, "Oh, my God. A raisin is causing this problem!" I fretted that the scans would show a raisin stuck in my mom's wound and causing her new bleed. I waited for the gastroenterologist to burst in her room and say, "Who the hell gave her a raisin?"

Of course this didn't happen.

I shared my irrational fear with my nieces yesterday. My niece, Sarah, nodded her head in understanding. "When I heard Grandma was admitted, I immediately wondered if my chicken soup made her sick," she said. Sarah brought over her homemade soup for my parents a few days before my mom's hospitalization. (They loved it.)

Of course, a raisin and chicken soup aren't the culprits. They are our irrational beliefs that we caused my mom's hospitalization and sudden down turn. (At least, I hope the raisin can't be blamed.)

What about you? When have you had an irrational thought that it's your fault?