Tell Us: When You Do You Miss Your Life?


Tell Us: When You Do You Miss Your Life?

puzzle-654963_640In our "How Stressed Are You?" survey, you tell us that missing your life is one of your greatest sources of stress.

I wonder: When does the ache for what was hit you? What do you miss? What triggers the longing for that life before caregiving?

In our comments section, below, tell us when you miss your life. How do you cope when you miss what you had? Have you been able to add back a piece of that life that you loved?

(Note: If you haven't had a chance yet, please take our simply survey which asks about your caregiving stress. I'll share preliminary results of our survey in the next few weeks.)

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Of course, there is the \"I miss being able to go out when I want, where I want , to see my friends and family, travel and take vacations. But my BIGGEST \"missing\" is to be able to have a few minutes to myself, in my house, and to have a 'normal' life. To do Yoga in the morning without interruption, to groom my horses in peace, to walk my dogs without a phone call asking when I'll be home, to make a dinner for two, to have my granddaughters spend the night, without the worry if he'll need more care than them. It's these small pieces of life that I miss most.


I missed the time in my life that I would have loved to travel. I was able to retire early and I was all ready to take off and go to foreign places. My mother's dementia started and got worse over time. I was on call 24 hours a day even though she was in a nursing home. I couldn't leave town because she might need me or something might happen to her. At the same time I became disabled because of nerve damage in my feet. Now 4 1/2 years later I have lost my mother and can travel but I am now disabled and fall easily. I miss my mother and I missed the opportunity to travel more.


When I am in Mom's room and I see her unread books and the jumble her belongings become when she gets confused, then I go home and see my own unread books and jumble of belongings. When I am on the phone or in a meeting with yet another paid-caregiver problem or medical or financial concern lost in a tangle of phone tag or lack of follow-up. I miss the days when I had more regularity--cleaning, working and playing on a more regular schedule. More certainty and clarity. Less worrying and crying, more laughing.


Hardly a day goes by that I don't have fleeting moments of missing the 45 years we were blessed to share with each other. Its so easy to get into wishing those days were back & the dreams we shared of retirement and living it up in our \"golden years\" together. \r\n I miss my Knight in Shinning Armor, my competent entrapanure (sp?), who always new what to do. Every day I get fleeting thoughts of wishing things could go back to being like it \"was\", before his disease interrupted and changed the path we were on. I'm human and cling to what I've known. I'm older and don't \"flow\" with change so good anymore. This unwanted change came sooner than either of us ever dreamed it could. It changed how we relate, what we do or don't do, how other family or friends relate to us.... But like everything in our marriage, we must make the most of it and adapt. Ok, so we cant stay straight on our path like we'd want and must take the unwanted detour. We can make each other miserable about it or make the best of a new adventure, look for the positive, adjust our attitudes, and have realistic expectations of each other, as we come down the home stretch of our lives together. I try to look at past years as memories I will always treasure, but not recapture. I strive to not look back wishing for something that \"was\" and is impossible to have \"now\". Easier said than done, of course, but life is better for me if I live in today with the hope of tomorrow.

Louise Sullivan

I miss my life every time I see photos of past events, when my friends talk about their great lives, when everyone is too busy to visit, when I lift a wheelchair into my trunk, when it takes forever to do anything without fuss. When I can't have a decent conversation with the man I love, when I can't watch a tv show without constant interuption. I miss my life most when I now have to take care of every little detail of a life that should be shared by two.

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