Tell Us: Why Is Life Harder for Some?

Denise

Tell Us: Why Is Life Harder for Some?

Denise
My parents met a friend of my brother's last weekend while they walked through the center of our town. (Actually, they met him as they crossed the railroad tracks in our town's center which always makes me nervous. Actually, that they walk through town makes me nervous but that's my issue. They like to walk through town and I have decided to keep my worries about their unsteadiness checked while keeping my cell phone on.)

My brother's friend gave my parents an update about other friends, especially one who's wife died young (and when their son was young) and who is going on his fifth year of caring for his mom who has dementia. "We get together every Sunday to take a walk," the friend explained about how he supports his caregiving friend. "He's had such a hard life."

His comment about a hard life makes me wonder. Why do some seem to have struggles and challenges that others don't? Or, is that some step up these challenges while others do their best to avoid or run? So, we see some stay with the hardships while others simply run from them? Or, is it simply luck -- some have better luck with their life's lot than others? Or, is it simply wrong to label a life as "hard" because it's really just life?

What do you think?

Tell us in our comments section, below, why life seems to be harder for some than others.

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Lark

This is a topic that comes up in my world quite often. I know many people whose lives have been incredibly difficult. But you ask why life is harder for some and that is a different issue. At first I read your question to mean why do some people have more difficulties. I am going to approach it from why some people have found life to be so much harder because of their difficulties while others seem to bounce back, experience less long term consequences, etc. even if the level of difficulty is essentially the same as that of others. \r\nFor me, and I am not in a competition nor do I want to be the winner of the most damaged person, I have experienced some horrific times as a young child and as an older person. Some of the circumstance we chosen by ohters and some I chose for myself through making bad decisions. I have several friends who fit both types of the question.\r\nWhat I find most often in my friends and acquaintances are the choice and willingness to let go of the seductive and life sucking desire to remain a victim. I say this with complete love and no judgement. Having traveled many therapy hours, AA hours, church hours and spending long periods of time resisting letting go of my sense of entitlement to be a victim, I get it. Completely. I also believe there are many people who cannot find their way out. People often ask me how I can be the way I most often am and have the response to life that I have given my past. I had a desire so strong and so relentless to survive and that ultimately led me to seeking help, hurting for years as I divested myself of all the damage and learned how to heal. I have a friend who swore she would never marry or have children. She wanted to die. She had the chance to die by her own hands and decided against it. From that moment forward she chose to change and grow. Today she has one of the happiest and most joyful families I have ever seen. Three beautiful daughters and a true partner in life with her husband. We talk at times about our journeys and how difficult it was to let go and move on. Both of us still work on letting go when the past tries to move in on us.\r\nSo, I believe life is harder on some of us because we either will not or cannot decided to let go of the pain. I have a great deal of compassion for people who are living in that hardness. I do not believe anyone consciously chooses that over another way. I have no idea why one of us will choose one path while another of us will choose the other path. It is a choice no matter how invisible to the eye. I may sound callous. I do not have the intent to be callous. When I choose, as I do at times, to make my life more of a struggle than it already is by making choices that add to the struggle then life is harder for me than for others.

jan

I have a relative who has the hardest life I have ever personally known: one son killed by a drunk driver, the other son a cocaine addict who committed suicide in the own kitchen where his 10-year-old son could find him, and her husband died of pancreatic cancer. There isn't anything she did to contribute to this. I would say it is hard. Fate? Life isn't fair.\r\nI have also known people who make consistently poor choices all the time, out of being \"friendly\" or \"the Christian thing to do\", and have a hard life because of it. You can be friendly to a stranger but letting him live in your house and then reaping the consequences when he steals you blind, and doing this same kind of clueless behavior over and over with no recognition that you contribute to it, is another thing. \r\nWho deserves hardship and pain? \r\nAll I can do at this point in my life is be thankful for the grace I've received and try to give it away.