Thank You + More Stress

LilMagill

Thank You + More Stress

LilMagill
clock-439147_640First, I want to say thank you to all who commented with such understanding and sympathy on my previous post (Feeling Low: Rambling Post). I felt guilty the next day for my bitter mood, but I appreciated so much knowing that other people have the same feelings and are in the same situation.

Currently, I'm not coping well with anxiety about my own problem. In the spring I had a full urological workup after seeing blood in my urine: cytology, CT scan, cystoscopy (the most painful and frightening thing that has ever happened to me). The doctor found nothing but small signs of irritation or inflammation and recommended a diet for interstitial cystitis. I've read up on that and I don't have many of the symptoms. I sometimes have a minor amount of internal pain when I pee, but usually nothing, and no increased frequency or urgency. Anyway, I felt like I got the all-clear from that workup, but then I saw blood in my urine again a couple of weeks ago. I saw the urologist on Wednesday and she scheduled a repeat cystoscopy for next Wednesday. Fortunately she also gave me a prescription for a Valium so I won't panic and hyperventilate this time. She said, "I'm not saying this to scare you, but it could be you had a tumor that was too small to see and now it will have grown enough for me to see it." Right - that doesn't scare me at all.

My feelings of fear and anxiety are a constant pain in my gut right now. The main things I worry about are what will happen to my son and my mother if I can't take care of them. My son will at least have my husband, but my husband can't step in so much where Mom is concerned - they just don't have that kind of relationship. She loves him and he is appreciative of all she's done for us, but he has a strong feeling of privacy for her and for himself. Plus, he works full time! All the doctor visits - for me, my mom and my son - are easily a part-time job for me. Also, I'm the one with the emotionally close relationship with her and with my son. They don't just need me to do things for them - they need to me to love them! I can't bear the thought of not being around to do that. I don't think I'm a hypochondriac, but I worry obsessively when something is under investigation like this. It makes me very self-centered, I realize, and I don't like that.

I have to take Mom to the doctor this morning for her own bladder problems. She thought one of her meds was causing increased urgency, but she stopped taking it and is still having it, along with some pain this morning. We were just there on Tuesday for a checkup. I hope her problem is easily treated!

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yolanda

God bless you. Sending good thoughts and prayers for the best possible outcome!

LilMagill

Thank you, Pegi. I really appreciate it.

LilMagill

Denise, I will try it. Thanks.

Denise

Oohhhh! Just what you don't need. \r\n\r\nJust a thought: Would it help to write out your worries and then write out a possible solution for each one? The solution doesn't necessarily have to be realistic it just has to be a possible solution. Sometimes, when I get stuck in the worries, I make myself crazy with worry. If I can write it out and then remind myself I have options, I can feel more in control.\r\n\r\nWondering the same as <a href='http://www.m40.siteground.biz/~caregiv6/members/hussy/' rel=\"nofollow\">@hussy</a>. It would be nice if the results come back quickly.

LilMagill

Thanks! Fortunately, the doctor herself is doing the exam and will be able to tell me immediately. So if it's nothing, I don't have to wait to find out. If it's something, I'm sure there will be another procedure and wait to determine what it is. I wish I'd asked for a week of valium instead of just one pill!

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