The Good News

Dawn

The Good News

Dawn
(Editor's Note: We welcome Dawn, who cares for her mom, to our team of bloggers. You can connect with her on her profile page: @dkbg5871.)

cascade-2872_640The good news is that my mother is ALMOST back. The kind, compassionate, respectful person I've known my whole life. Not the demanding, petulant, abusive and aggressive person she's been for the past two months. But with that comes her remembering some of the things that we had to do and say to her when she was in that state. And now her feelings are hurt.

She will be coming home in the next week or so. I'm SO HAPPY to not be going to the nursing facility every day, but also a little terrified of what is going to happen. She has promised she won't smoke in the house anymore, but still won't acknowledge the danger she caused when she dropped cigarettes and burned holes in her couch, pillow, blankets, etc. Will she "cheat"? How much autonomy do I give her? Is it even mine to give?

I took her purse to her a couple of days ago, on her request. This morning she asked why I took her car keys. That car is the only thing she owns and why am I trying to take it away from her? (The real reason is that she's been in a health care facility since the beginning of May, and has had no need for them, and it was one less thing to need to worry about getting lost/stolen/mislaid at the facilities she's been at). She is very hurt that we thought she pulled out her NG tube on purpose. She doesn't remember pulling at it constantly in the hospital, needing restraints after having pulled it out, her IV, and her heart monitor.

I'm worried about the transition. My only option, however, is to put on my big girl panties and deal. One foot in front of the other. But, all I really want to do is run away. (Am I allowed to say that out loud?)

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EllysGdaughter

Hello Dawn, Yes, You are in the right place to say whatever you need without anyone batting an eyelash! We all have the good days and bad ones. I am happy to hear your mom is Almost back to normal. You are right to be a bit anxious about how she will behave once she gets home, you love her and want the best for her!! I love all the suggestions above and I think I'll check into Home Instead too!!! Welcome here!

LilMagill

Yes, you can totally say that out loud! That's how I felt after my mom's accident when suddenly my whole life revolved around her basic physical needs. I'm glad your mom is returning to herself and I hope that will make the transition home easier than you fear.\r\n\r\nI don't know if I'll ever get past wanting to defend myself when Mom's version of reality is different from mine - especially when her version makes me the bad guy! \"Why didn't you tell me about X?\" So frustrating - that's not even the word.\r\n\r\nOne thing I've been doing slowly ever since I started worrying about my mom's memory was collecting resources. I started with a therapist for me, and I highly recommend that if it's an option for you. She has really helped me stay focused on the present and immediate future. Journaling has also helped me with perspective - there are good days and bad days, but on bad days I forget the good ones. Having a record helps. After Mom's accident, I talked with my therapist about having \"non-negotiables\" - well, if possible. Like, I'll keep my part-time job no matter what. Even if I only make enough money to pay a caregiver, I'll do it for my sanity. I found Home Instead (first google hit) and hired a companion who stayed with Mom and did lots of housework (which was AWESOME) and I've looked into other similar services. Just having information about the help that's out there is comforting. I don't know if any of that applies to your situation - it's all I've got at the moment, though. Good luck!

Rosie

Hi Dawn- I\"m glad to hear the good news about your mom and understand your worry. This is the perfect place to say whatever you want out loud. It's a very noisy place...so to speak :-)