The Gospel According to Crosby, Stills and Nash

jan

The Gospel According to Crosby, Stills and Nash

jan
Do you ever wonder what kind of old person YOU will become?

I wonder about that all the time. I see myself sitting at my daughter's kitchen table in 20 years. That part is clear. But who will I be then? Are you the same as you were when you were younger, but only MORE of it, because you no longer have the control mechanisms working to contain and modify it? Like if you were irritated and crabby in your adult life, you'll be hell-on-wheels when you're old.

I've been emailing a new friend from this website. We've been talking about our personality traits and it's been fun. But it got me to thinking, my best traits are being self-reliant and dedicated. My shadow side is being withdrawn and serious. Will I turn into a content and gracious old lady, sitting at my kitchen table with placements full of crumbs from long-forgotten meals? Or will the independent part turn stubborn, and the withdrawn part make me even harder to reach? I'm the kind of person who wants no sympathy or interaction when I'm sick. Will I go off like a slug and hide under a rock where my kids can't find me?

I think about my mom and what she was like as an adult, compared to who she is now. Reading other blogs, I realize many of her "peccadilloes" are traits of dementia; many dementia patients exhibit them. In her working years, she functioned flawlessly in a doctor's office where being fastidious and accurate mattered. Now she is fidgety and plays an endless game of "hide the afikomen" and we aren't even Jewish. Everything gets wrapped up in a white napkin, kleenex or paper towel and hidden all over the house. Is that being More Mom, or just demented?

So what will I be like? What will YOU be like?

Don't you ever ask them why
If they told you, you would cry
So just look at them and sigh
And know they love you
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jan

Thanks for taking the time to read my post, Marianne, and contemplating the implications. I hope it opens up conversations with you and your family and friends in a positive and honest way.

Marianne

Hi Jan, I think about this very topic every time I don't feel well. When I'm sick, I invariably get moody, sad and anti-social. I have been blessed with good health most of my adult life, and I take it for granted. How will I cope when that's not an expectation I can reasonably have any longer? Is it possible to learn how to be graceful and grateful in our final years? I never want to be that crabby old lady who chases people away in droves with an endless litany of complaints. Thanks for a very thoughtful post ... and something that will be a conversation starter for me with family and friends.

Denise

I loved this question, Jan!!\r\n\r\nBecause I'm unmarried and no kids (and past the point of having kids), I know that I will be living in a community or facility. I also see myself as enjoying this last stage of my life--being involved in community activities, being content to sit, enjoying my chance to simply observe as others go around me. Because I will have worked until I couldn't work any longer, I will also enjoy not having to work, knowing that I did what I could for as long as I could. \r\n\r\nI am looking forward to the time of my life when I can release myself from achieving and worrying and doing and just simply be, however that being will look. (Perhaps this is something I could start doing now. :) )

LilMagill

eek - a \"close relationship with my son\" that was meant to say - Freudian slip??

LilMagill

I must have heard that song dozens of times, but never felt the impact of those words until you posted them here. \r\n\r\nThe question you pose is something I think about all the time. And it reminds me of when my son was little and I was so curious to see what kind of person he was becoming. I was always asking myself about his behaviors, is it developmental or is it his own, individual personality? \r\n\r\nIf I'm lucky enough to keep my brain intact, I think I'll age well enough. I predict having a close relationship with myself and being able to easily love any partner he adds to his life. I think I'd be happy living in a community environment with other elder folks because I think I will always enjoy being around my own age cohort who can share my memories of the long-ago 1980s. I feel like even with compromised health if I can still have positive relationships with people and still be able to enjoy mental life - reading, movies, writing - I'll be okay. \r\n\r\nBut if I have dementia, I can see my tendency to worry making me obsessively needy. And since my MAIN activity in life is reading novels, I don't know what will keep me occupied once I can no longer do that.

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