The Other Shoe is Dropping

Sue

The Other Shoe is Dropping

Sue
nature-217203_640After nine months of declining health and greater and greater weakness, weight loss and recent mental issues combined with some seizures, my husband's doctor told us a couple of days ago that most likely his lung/throat cancer has spread. Possibly to the brain. An MRI of his brain will be done next Friday to confirm this awfulness. In the meantime the doctor told us "to make our plans."

We have been reviewing old photos from our 44 years of marriage together, plus photos from his earlier life when he was a tough, strong young guy capable of anything. I don't know what to say or do to help him and me, other than to just be there and pay attention to this precious time we still have. Is it a month? is it six months? Or will a miracle come along and "cure" him?

My friends are all exhausted from hearing the "latest" I am sure. This in-between time feels so important so I'll just keep doing the best every day to be with him. Thankfully he is at home and will remain here 'til it's over.

Like this article? Share on social

6 Comments

Sign in to comment

Sue

At the urging of so many of you and others I have registered my husband with Hospice yesterday. They sound amazing and will be up here in a few days to start their process. Thank you for pushing me to do this - I had been holding off in the vain hope that it wouldn't be needed.

Jean

Sue, I'm so sorry. I do agree with Denise. We have a Hospice that has a monthly radio show on our local radio station. The number one comment when they do their surveys is that families wished they had Hospice sooner. We wished we had it sooner both for my dad and my father-in-law. They were incredible helpful for both family and caree. You always get to choose when you do want them there and don't.\r\n\r\nWishing you and your husband as much comfort and peace as possible.

Denise

Hi--I hope you don't mind one other suggestion:\r\n\r\nMake videos of your husband. Perhaps you could make videos of him sharing special messages for family members and friends or of his simply reminiscing. The videos may become treasured keepsakes for you.

Denise

Oh, Sue, I am so sorry. What difficult news to hear and digest.\r\n\r\nI think you are doing all the right things--reminiscing, sharing, being. But I imagine it all feels very surreal.\r\n\r\nHas your husband expressed any activity or outing he'd like to do? Perhaps you could both put together a mini bucket list of sorts to help you make the most of the days. Even if the list only includes lunch out one day a week or listening to his favorite music it can add some structure to the day and week.\r\n\r\nHas the doctor referred you to hospice? Although you don't have a prognosis, you can still research hospice providers in your area to find the one you both like the most. When you know the time is right, you can bring in hospice to support and care for both of you. \r\n\r\nJust one suggestion: Begin using hospice as soon as you can. When you reach the end, you'll want to be surrounded by familiar faces and routines. Adding a new provider, even hospice, can feel more disruptive at a time when you want minimal adjustments.\r\n\r\nThanks so much for keeping us posted. I know this is difficult news to share--whether you say it or write it. I'm thinking of you both and wishing you peace.