They Mean Well, I Think

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They Mean Well, I Think

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Beginning to experience the well-meaning butinski-ness of well-meaning friends, people who have no real idea what goes on telling me how to cope/deal/do.

Last evening I took my mother to a neighborhood party -- she does need to get out and be social, however it is a struggle because she has been a life-long introvert. It is a bit better since before I couldn't drag her to these things and now I am able to talk her into attending. This was her third gathering in two months time. Plus we went to the park last Sunday for a concert. She's been enjoying herself.

So while there last night she had too much to drink. Partly my fault because I want her to be happy and not make a scene. I did switch her to ginger ale at one point but when others would ask if she was drinking white wine, that's what she got. She also started to slip into sundowning and got more and more frustrated and and upset when she couldn't communicate. I kept saying it was time to leave and kept being told, no it's all right. It wasn't. Of course it wasn't but you can't tell these people who don't live with her and don't see the signs (and know them) anything.

So we finally do go to leave and she can't remember how to get into the car, can barely walk straight. We get home and she pitches forward getting out of the car into the fence -- didn't fall all the way thank goodness. Argument over which PJ's to wear ended up moot when she peed over herself leaving a trail from her bedroom to the living room which I noticed by stepping in it. Got her washed up and into a fresh pair and into bed. Thankfully no headache this morning.

This morning I get a text telling me that Mom and I both need to be around more people -- hello, that IS what I have been trying to do in getting Mom out to these gatherings. That I need to have help come in -- this after I told the person last night that starting this week I have Home Instead Senior Care coming in two days a week (three hours at a time). The thing is, I understand these people mean well but seriously after I explain and explain I still get told to do this or that.

I find myself thinking, I just hope they never have to do this or worse yet -- and most often --  that they will.

The real kicker to yesterday was the complete disappearance of Mom's lower denture. She let out a wail after lunch and came to me showing me that the teeth weren't in her mouth. We turned the house inside out and upside down. Trash, pockets, every drawer, every cupboard, the 'fridge, the freezer, the laundry hamper, her desk, every room. Nothing. Nowhere to be found. This all happened before the evening out -- the panic over the missing teeth, etc. no doubt leading to wanting to drink more than usual.

Tonight, we will be going to the park for the weekly free concert. Gee, wonder how much "advice" I will get about that?

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frogger16

I could sure relate to \"they mean well, I think\" types who are clueless with how to be helpful.\r\nI had to chuckle when I read about your Mom loosing her dentures. It reminded me of when my FIL had lost his. We searched high and low. \"After\" we got Dad new ones, we found his dentures carefully wrapped in layers of kleenex and tucked into one of Mom's coat pockets (she had dementia).

jan

So glad to hear you are having Senior Care coming this week! Sure hope you find those dentures. Thanks for continuing to share.