This Chaotic Mess!

Lisa

This Chaotic Mess!

Lisa
dusk-tree-375988_640Hi everyone, I haven't blogged in awhile. While things are going smoothly with Dad, it's the other issues of life that are throwing me curves right now. Household things, budget, organization, planning for the fall. AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!

Can anyone else relate? Sometimes this is just as hard to deal with as the caregiving aspect on my part. Let's see right now I'm...hmmmmmm...trying to get my desk/office space in my room (which is a crackerbox) organized and straight because I want to have everything ready when I start back to school next month. Yes, next month. Also add in the fact I can't shut the door and get away from that mess because it's right next to my bed. I hate that, but it is what it is.

I'm also in deep clean mode because tomorrow morning we're having the commode replaced in Dad's bathroom. (Happy Birthday to me huh? Yep, just what I wanted lol). Oh, I just got my coffee pic uploaded (or I THINK I did) for #coffeewithacaregiver this morning. I know it's almost 11 a.m. but hey, at least I'm trying right? Organization needs to be done not only for my room but for EVERY room.  If you can imagine.

I used to never be this unorganized, even a few years ago. I don't know if it's that I'm just tired now or that I'm older or a combination both. But this makes me feel quite inadequate at times. I know I sound like I'm going in a repetitive circle, and I am. But that's what I do. The only thing that helped yesterday was giving in and taking something for anxiety. I don't like to do that, but at times I do. I try to focus myself in a more positive direction with music and reading but then the downside is I don't get everything done that I need to.

So, I'm here with my coffee, chatting with my friends this morning and listening to my favorite radio show via podcast. In a few I'll start things off after my prayers. Dad's still sleeping in, and my daughter is on the downside of a seven-day stretch of work with no days off. She won't be off until Sunday, which is my birthday. Normally this would mean that she takes the caregiving for the day and I get to kick back, but not sure how that will work. More than likely she'll be exhausted. I worry so much about her. She's not even 30 and is so overworked at times.

Often I feel more for her than myself in this journey. She didn't choose this, I did. I had lived a good portion of my life - been married, had relationships, and enjoyed our life. She hasn't been able to get that far yet. She's young, she rarely dates and I don't think she even entertains the idea of a relationship due to our circumstances. I know how she feels, I do the same. I don't even date anymore. It just doesn't seem to work. This is my main responsibility and I did sign up for it, but it just seems unfair that she's 20 years younger and in the same boat as me.

So this is my Friday morning rant, so much for an organized blog today. Hopefully Monday I can share a more enjoyable, uplifting chat. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

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