This Is All About Me


This Is All About Me

I'm a caregiver statistic.

I eat poorly,

I haven't seen a medical Dr in 5yrs maybe more,

I don't exercise regularly,

I put my own self care last or completely ignore it until it screams for attention,

I was 4 yrs before I used any respite time that the VA had available.
I do not suffer from depression, and I try to avoid it in all forms, but I do have some anxiety at times. Especially when significant and sudden downturns come.

I can tell I'm a little snappier in my responses to others.

My mental health is hanging on. For now.

My physical health is another story.

I'm a terrible self motivator.

Just take one look at me and my house and you will see that.

I've tried the home exercise and home hair cuts and home cooked meals.

I use my stability ball as a seat, I think I can rock a pony tail and since I found Schwans home delivered food, well, need I say more there?

I feel bad when I can't stay on course for myself.

I feel bad when I wish for more time away from Hubby so I could do some things I want.

I have learned the value of time. It is a precious commodity when it's in short supply for yourself.

As a 24/7 caregiver all the time is Hubby's except the 8 1/2 weekly hours I get through the V.A. for an aide.

In this 8 1/2 hours, errands must be run groceries must be purchased, travel to and from must be included and where we live it's a 20 minute trip one way to our largest store, etc etc. I must find a way to fit in all the things I HAVE to do and still find some time for me in there. Occasionally I get a lunch with a family member or friend. Hurriedly of course but I still do it. Think about the expression, Eat and Run. :)

Now this all sounds mighty whiny of me. But that isn't my intent here.

I am very blessed to have this time.

I know what it's like to have none, especially when the VA doesn't renew Hubbys Aide service for a month! Breathe in, exhale slowly ahh

Available family have filled in for important things and run errands if I ask, so again, I appreciate the knowledge I can call when I have to.

But I don't like being a statistic. It's happening though and I can tell.

I thought of all the ways I could prevent it. I started doing small things, walking/jogging in the driveway.

A dual trip to the eye doctor, Hubby was there so I squeezed in too.

Much needed dental work. (Remember the neglected self care and screaming, almost losing a front tooth due to neglect is a screaming issue ).

And just the other day, after much consideration and serious thought, lots of praying, mostly consisting of please let me find a way!, Weighing all the odds and planning the timing more than once, it occurred to me, I can start working out again! The gym I was once a member of had relocated several months ago. Their new location is ideal for me and my errand needs. Grocery store, drugstore and place to get my oil changed all within a stones throw! I am SO EXCITED!

Today was my first day back in 4 years! I was able to get my workout in AND pop in at the grocery store (right next door) with time enough to get home and not feel like I was running through myself. :) It was a glorious feeling.

A funny thing happened at the store, I grabbed a cart, made a quick run through produce, went up the soup aisle rounded a corner and BAM wobbly legs got me and my knees buckled. LOL! I didn't fall down and was able to upright myself in plenty of, save myself from embarrassment, time. Good thing for shopping carts! I thought it was funny and I can't wait to get back to my workout Monday!

Now if a hairdresser would move in close by...