Too Much Comfort

Lisa

Too Much Comfort

Lisa
kitten-227011_640Too much comfort can be a cozy thing or not so cozy at times. Too much comfort for the one receiving care can be good, as in pampering and getting all the extra fluff and love of one-on-one devotion, and it can also be getting way too comfortable with the caregiver.

Take last night for instance. Dad finishing up the ball game, 10:30 time to get ready for bed. "I'm not ready." Hmmmmm, yeah, now mind you if this were a care facility it would be "Okay, time for bed", no arguments. 11:00 - c'mon let's get you to bed and to bathroom first. "I'll go to bed but I don't have to go to the bathroom." Well, somethings we just KNOW and I knew that wasn't correct. 11:15 - "Nope, don't have to go, but I'll go to bed." Resolution: "Okay, Bekah (my daughter) is on her way home from work. When she gets here SHE can put you to bed and deal with this."

Unfortunately this was a negative situation for my daughter to come home to after working a full shift at an assisted living facility. But, she helps me deal with frazzled moments like this.

Too much comfort for me as a caregiver can sometimes mean that I sometimes do not want to leave my house.... ever. I know that's not a good thing, but even a trip out to the local Wally World can be frustrating because too many things can come into play. I don't look at it as a time for me, but as "oh great, I need to do this". Trying to make a list of everything I don't need to forget, then taking too long. Wondering if I've been gone too long and my daughter needs to go somewhere. Even when she's assured me she doesn't. Running into old friends of my parents, stopping to update them on Dad. Not me - and that seems so selfish on my part.

I guess this is weighing on my mind today because this is exactly what I'm doing at the moment. I've already crossed off what I can purchase from Amazon that's needed and have sent to the door. Eventually I must go but not until I've exhausted all other means. I think I've gotten too comfortable in being in my home for long periods of time. I'm sure that I have and while I know in the back of my memory that it's something I need to change, it's not something I want to do.

Recently, we have had to deal with the deaths of two very special people in our lives. Dad's last cousin, raised like a sister to him, passed away last month. This loss was hard for him and myself as well. They were the same age, born 10 days apart. They had just celebrated birthdays in April. While we knew her health was not quite as good as Dad's, neither of us were prepared to say goodbye to her so soon.

Then last week was the death of one of  his friends, Otis. They were friends as couples for years and then after he lost his wife before we lost Mom, they continued to stay in contact over the years. I have found myself thinking, "I wonder what's next."  But, to dwell on things in that manner can become depressing.

So, days like this when I have a lot on my mind, not to mention a lot on my plate, I try to stay focused and positive and remember that the dreaded trip to Wally World can sometimes be a blessing in disguise.

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4 Comments

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lookingheavenward

Thank you for sharing this. I know the struggle well! I don't make many trips to Walmart anymore...sadly I order most of our stuff online and have it shipped to the house. I am VERY comfortable not leaving the house, and I know that isn't healthy either. But we do what we must! Hang in there and keep taking excellent care of your Dad, your Daughter, and yourself!

Denise

Hi Lisa--I love this post because you share a side effect of caregiving. So much is affected by a caregiving experience--it can truly become a domino effect. \r\n\r\nWishing you a good trip to Wally World. :) I also wish you a return home that folds you into comfort.

Meghan

Lisa, I can totally relate to how you feel! I know for me, I feel like I don't have any energy left to do those extra things, like grocery shopping. My husband always wants to do things on Sundays, but that is my only day that I have completely to myself. No work, no dialysis appts, I can just relax. He can't understand why I don't feel up to going all over creation looking at things he won't ever buy. As hard as it is to find the motivation to go, try to look at it as a break. Take your time shopping, browse the magazine, or go test out patio furniture in the garden dept, surrounded by all the pretty flowers. Trying to make it a positive experience, rather than one to dread helps me out a lot of times.

jan

Thank you for sharing your very personal thoughts, Lisa. Only in a caregiving environment, would a choice between staying in the house all the time or going shopping (even Wally World) be an issue, or an actual choice. But I completely understand your dilemma and concern. I have only been caregiving for a year and a half, so I can't begin to imagine doing this for 5 years, or what it takes to survive with as much compassion as you show. I don't see how there can be \"too much\" of anything for you; any comfort you can receive for yourself or your Dad is well deserved, in any form.