Trip-Nado

jan

Trip-Nado

jan
Stepping into the whirlwind called "Trip-Nado". This is the fourth time we've done this, and I do know how blessed, fortunate, lucky, magic pixie-dusted, good Karma enlightened and Miracle Max invigorated we are just to be making this transition.

The cows are beginning to swirl in front of my eyes and the school buses are fighting the forces of the wind tunnel. Chicken coops fly high. Dust rains down.

In other words, my mom (with dementia) and I are preparing to fly back to Florida for the winter portion of our life, away from my husband, cats, home.

When my mom gets up during the night, I wake up and then stay away for the rest of the night. My mind switches on to "GO" mode and the administrative function takes over. Even though I can't do one single thing about any of the things I wrestle with, I ponder them over and over. Will I remember everything I need to take? Will I have everything ready in our Florida house for our return? How will my husband survive without my love? How will my house survive without my cleaning? How will my checking account survive without my fastidiousness to detail? How will my cats survive without my tenderness?

Because I'm starting to sleep so little, I'm falling asleep at odd times during the day. I fell asleep during a conversation at my daughter's house. I almost fell asleep at the wheel. I'm feeling a little uncomfortable trusting myself driving. And my mom is doing this sort of aimless shuffling around because I'm not engaging her as much.

This week our cat was diagnosed with diabetes, so we have a new set of rules to learn. More night thoughts.

ISN'T THE HUMAN MIND CRAZY??? I want to control what I can't. When the morning comes, my reason returns but my alertness doesn't. Thankfully my mom herself is the least of my concerns in this process. I'm not sure this time if she fully understands what we will be doing. I want it to be over but I don't want it to be over, because the winter away is a long time. I'm like a mother who forgets about her birth pangs when she has her new baby in her arms. My brain says, "You fool, you know it will all be fine. No one needs you here. It's worked out beautifully in the past".

Right now I'm just anticipating the trip, the labor pains, the chicken coop and the tornado shelter.thunderstorm-358992_640

 

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Denise

I love this post, Jan. (Actually, I love all your posts.) \r\n\r\nStepping into change is always unsettling. I also think it's really unsettling when others will be affected by the change--like your mom and your husband. It's a worry. And, you're great at taking care. :) It's what you do. You just want to make sure it's all taken care of.

LilMagill

I'm wishing you a smooth, safe trip. Transitions are hard (for me anyway) at the best of times!