Uncharted Territory


Uncharted Territory

I wrote this around October of last year. I found it and thought I would pass it on.

I move as in a dream.
The space around me fills with faces and voices.
I smile.
I show an interest.
The walk from the entrance to the elevators is long.
I feel myself moving along the hallway.
I wonder how we have come this far.
The journey has become the destination.
I wonder how I look.
Did I check myself in the mirror in the morning?
A sharp fear thought catches me.
The electric bill is due.
Need to call the clerk of court about that ticket.
Money needs tighten my chest.
I am gripped by fear.
Feeling childlike in an adult life.
I wonder that my feet are moving towards his room.
I have the treats he requested.
I wonder how I am going to pay that electric bill.
He sees me and I wave the small bag at him and make a joke.
I don't tell him the adult stuff.
He gets concerned and depressed
and he hears me telling him not to worry
because I have it taken care of and he should
A man yet a child yet a man.
Sorrow fills me threatening to overflow onto
the floor.
He looks at me. I inhale the sorrow. I ask
what's on the t.v. and he says he is lonely
and I say I know
and I say I will find out how long before he
can come home and
I hear myself talking. Random thoughts
flutter around in my mind. Call the clerk of court.
Find money for the electric bill.
Gosh darn it all! I need to get the
power of attorney and DNR and some other paper
signed in front of a notary.
Someone said a day or so ago that I should
take care of myself.
I pray. I tell God and I ask God and I thank God
I take the down elevator headed for the
He wants some candy.
His melancholy drips darkness as he asks
for a treat. Like a child, he asks me
 for the fourth or fifth time
how things are at home and how are the cats.
I tell him funny cat stories. I poke fun at him.
I promise to find out how long before he leaves.
I take the elevator down and walk out the exit.
Where is the car parked?
Not so far away.
I see it now.
Ambulances scream out as they arrive at the ER.
The air is humid.
I head back home.
I walk in the door.
I turn on a light.
I wonder if I can go without electricity for a week.
I realize I have no idea.
Something will work out.
It always does.
I think of him and the sorrow tightens my chest.
I ask for strength. I ask for wisdom.
I don't ask why.
What's this on my lap?
A black cat draped across my legs
relaxed in that "I ain't got no bones"
thing that cats do so well.
Honey, I'm home.

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Lillie Fuller

Oh the worries! You are not alone!


Wow Lark...all I can say is \"WOW\" and grab some kleenex.