What A Difference A Day Makes

Lark
Gonna keep this short. My husband is coming home from the rehab/nursing home tomorrow and I have quite a few tasks to accomplish tonight.

I want to share my hope with you if you are feeling as if a blue mood or a fearful anxiety or a sense of loneliness or any number of those moods that drag us down is going to last forever. I find I tend to see negative emotions as limitless and positive emotions as, well, luck.

I move in and out of varying moods in my role as a caregiver. If I am exhausted or money is tight and I am stressed or if I have forgotten to eat I quickly descend into the darkness of moods that focus on the worst that can happen. I begin to feel as if I am unique and that no one can understand. If I am not careful I begin to isolate and to build a case for a big, pity pot. I am not saying this is wrong. I am saying it happens to me and quickly becomes overwhelming and difficult.

I was in such a space lately and did not even recognize it until I was in chat and found myself feeling sensitive and petulant ( bratty ). I felt that my reactions and thoughts were childish but they were real to me and I felt raw emotionally and vulnerable. We emphasize, in chat, that we can talk about anything. I decided to go for it although I was afraid I would get my feelings hurt. Remember, I was in a childlike emotional space. I felt as if I was going to stand naked in front of my friends. (Denise used that analogy and I stole it.) I am a recovering alcoholic and choose to stay vigilant about my emotions and moods. I need others to help me see the truth and then I can talk about what is going on with me and then I can change. I can step out of the darker moods and into happier and calmer moods.

So, I shared in chat. I started out tentatively and emotionally hiding behind an invisible shield. But, Denise asked questions and then asked more questions and I began to share about what was going on with me. Before I knew it I had been vulnerable and I still had my clothes on, thank goodness! No, you do not want to picture it. Believe me!

What happened after the chat is the best part. I felt relief, acknowledged, heard and free of the dark mood that was pulling me down and impacting every area of my life. The chip on my shoulder was gone. And this is what I want to share with anyone reading this post:

You are not alone. You get to be you and you are safe here. I am safe here. Because I took the risk and stepped through my fears while in one of my most unattractive moods and because I was loved on and listened to and taken seriously, I can share my hope and my experience with you. You are not alone and we love you just like you are this very minute! I would say, "Come get naked with us!" But...best to say "Come be vulnerable with us!"

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