What Are You Going Through?


What Are You Going Through?


I was emailing a friend this morning, commenting on all that she and her parents are going through. It's a lot. And many of you are going through a LOT right now as well.

I was thinking about the phrase "going through." When else is this phrase used? We go through a tunnel, we go through a forest, women go through childbirth, people go through a divorce ... we go through losses and disappointments.

And I was thinking, "going through" always implies there is an ending, a time when you won't be "going through it" any more.  There is even a phrase "the light at the end of the tunnel," the end of whatever you're going through.

In the case of caregiving, coming to the end of what we're going through doesn't hold a sense of "looking forward to." We can't say we'll be glad when we're done going through this, not always, not often. That would mean that we will begin "going through" another experience, one involving pain, grief, and loss. We might be thankful our caree is finished with the "going through" of their final journey, but we won't be celebrating the end of our earthly and visible relationship with them and the separation, grief, and loneliness we must then endure.

But "going through" has another aspect I was thinking about. I am going THROUGH this. There is something hopeful and optimistic in those words as well. There is motion, there is energy, because I am going THROUGH. I am alive, and I will continue to be alive. I will come THROUGH this, if I am alive to do so. And perhaps I can get THROUGH this day by day, moment by moment.

And, I will be standing at the end of going through this. I will be alive, and I will have made it. All of that is contained in the words "going through."

Can I embrace and lean into this part of the journey, this view from the tunnel? I love this particular "tunnel picture" because it is green, and vibrant, along the way. Can I realize that this part isn't just something to "get through" but something to be savored, and opened to, as well?

I will not be the same. I am already not the same. In many ways, I believe I will be changed for the better. The things that matter get clearer. Life gets simpler. Petty annoyances fall away. My soul grows more compassionate, and more determined, and more courageous. I will learn to love and to endure in ways I never would have thought possible.

I am going through this. I am going through.

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Lillie Fuller

Thank you Mar! And thank you for being my friend while I am going through \"this\". Great words as always.


Mar, I truly love reading your thoughtful, thought provoking blogs. I like how you turn the focus to the positive, the optimistic, without denying reality. Thank you.