What's YOUR Favorite Question to be Asked?!

Lisa

What's YOUR Favorite Question to be Asked?!

Lisa
question-mark-460869_640There are some questions we all seem to be asked, more than others. Some you don't mind, and some you do. Or I do, anyway.

I stopped in to see a relative working in a store before going back home after church and ran into a member of the church my parents have been a member of forever. It seems that Dad has become a "forgotten" member since he's now considered a shut-in. This really frustrates me, and quite frankly, has had a bearing on where I choose to worship now when I can. It's not with them.

So anyway, this lady (who I haven't seen since I last attended a funeral for a church member) says, "So you aren't working?" Yes. Count to 10 and take a deep breath. I was nice, I'd just been to church. :) I said, "Yes ma'am, I work every day at home caring for Daddy." She said, "No, I mean you don't work anywhere?"

Questions like that make me feel like you're dancing with an idiot. Round and round we go. I explained I had not worked in the public sector since Mom passed except for a seasonal part-time job during the holidays four years ago. Some times things like that just rub me wrong, and I'm sure there are those questions that make you feel the same way. I'm sure this lady meant well, but she's also never been on the side of the fence we're on. It's called caregiving.

Sadly, the shut ins and older members of this church who established it in the early years are neglected. We haven't seen a visitor of any sort since Christmas last year, and we won't see one until Thanksgiving week when they hand me a fruit basket. They don't even come in and speak to Dad anymore. I know it hurts his feelings, it does mine. Just because he's at home and can't attend a worship service doesn't mean he doesn't worship.

In his own way, we do our own thing he's comfortable with. He loves to read still so there are always devotionals close at hand, he loves gospel music and we have our favorite songs, and he's thrilled I've found a church I feel comfortable in myself. He always wants to know about the service when I come home and enjoys reading over the bulletin weekly, and my cousin, who is a pastor in Virginia, is kind enough to send us a copy of her church newsletter every month so he can see what keeps her so busy.

Church has always been a part of my life for as long as I can remember and a part of Dad's ever since he met my Mom. It will continue to be, just in different ways. Now I'm off my soapbox. That's my favorite question, lol. What's yours? I'm sure we could all fill a book. Hope to write more soon.

Until then ~

L

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bootsie

Lisa my church actually has a respite program every Thursday for 4 hours where caregivers can drop off their caree with Alzheimer's or dementia. It has been a huge success for all. My Mom has only serious mobility issues. I also live in a different community from my church that I grew up in which limits my involvement. I can only leave my Mom for a couple of hours at a time. I just thought of something. I think I will ask for a list of members who can't attend and at least call them on the phone to say hello. My pastor has visited my home, the hospital and the rehab when my Mom was there. Several people asked me how she was yesterday. I just answered that she is getting worse and I am injuring myself picking her up. I should have said, \"Why don't you come for a visit?\" The sad part is she has no interest in going to church anymore. So happy your Dad is still engaged and interested in your church life.

Lisa

Amy, the pastor where I attend church is going to schedule a visit so he can meet Daddy. I think he'll enjoy that.

PearLady

Sounds so very familiar, Lisa...I've lived through this as well.

Denise

It's so frustrating to have that kind of encounter because you work so hard every day! You can feel like the truly worthwhile work you do (plus your school work) is completely devalued. Awful.\r\n\r\nDr. Benjamin Mast joined me for a podcast last month and we spoke about the church's role in helping family caregivers. He's also doing a survey of family caregivers and their experiences with their church. You can listen to the podcast here: http://www.m40.siteground.biz/~caregiv6/2014/09/podcast-second-forgetting/ You'll also find a link to the survey there--he'd love to hear from you.\r\n\r\nAnd, just an FYI: \"What's the worst question others ask you\" is one of our questions in our annual survey. I share some of the answers in the results webinar: http://www.m40.siteground.biz/~caregiv6/caregiving-webinars/caregiving-webinar-archives/results-of-our-2014-annual-family-caregiver-survey/\r\n\r\nI also did a webinar a few years ago that helps you form your answer to those awful questions: http://www.m40.siteground.biz/~caregiv6/caregiving-webinars/caregiving-webinar-archives/webinar-finding-your-answer-to-those-awful-questions/\r\n\r\nHope any of this helps. :)\r\n\r\nSo glad you shared an update. Always love reading your posts.