When Hope Is Not Enough


When Hope Is Not Enough

shoe-68769_640I finally realized last weekend that I can't keep doing this.

I am physically hurting myself. After much begging and pleading with siblings to give me a weekend off so I could go an hour away to be with my husband and friends, and having them once again say yes and then no, I tried to be Wonder Woman. We have a vacation/retirement condo on a golf course on the second floor. I decided that I was not going to let my mom's mobility issues stop me or her for that matter. Even though we could both use a break from each other, I packed her and my terminally ill cat in the car and drove up.

My husband and I managed to get her up two flights of stairs. The bathroom situation was not ideal in that I had to place her off and on and she is not at all helpful. She slept on the couch with lots of pillows and that went okay. I was able to have dinner out with my husband and out-of-state friends. (Their trip here had been planned for months). My mom even enjoyed the change of scenery and the college football game we all watched.

We had to leave a day early because of a death in extended family. Bringing her back downstairs was basically us carrying her and I just can't continue to pick up 115 pounds multiple times a day. She can't transfer at all to a wheelchair or into a car or chair. We spent four hours in the car Monday to go to funeral which, of course, we took her to. We got to see all of my husband's family and we are all close.

My mom sleeps in a zero gravity lift chair in my primary condo where there is no downstairs full bath and no bedroom for her. We basically are in one open room together all the time.

Now for the ifs! If she was getting better at mobility (she barely walks with walker and my assistance) and I could work even part time and my siblings would step up to help I could keep doing this.

The most important thing I have learned is you can't make someone else do what you want them to. What is left of my relationship with my mom is not very good. I will not put her away and forget about her. I will rebuild our relationship to pre-caregiving status. I got the word today that she financially qualifies for Medicaid. I will find out what the next steps are and take advantage of home-based help that is covered until I can placed her in a nursing home. I know we have to wait on bed availability and I added her to another waiting list today.

Keep us all in your prayers!

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That last paragraph pretty much summed it up for me as well, except for the qualifying for aid part. So far, we've not that option, but waiting to hear more. It seems the main thing we've in common of all, like most caregivers (or probably all) is we've to \"wait and see\".\r\n\r\nHope may not be enough...but, until something comes along, it's something of which to cling.


Thanks Trish! Waiting to hear about an appointment with Medicaid home based LTC. They will determine what level of care she needs. I do know they help with incontinence supplies and possibly respite care.


I feel for you so much, and it sounds like you're making the right decision. I like this sentence: \"I will rebuild our relationship to pre-caregiving status.\"


Hmmmm, I could have written this...........It about sums up my situation. God Bless and will be anxious for updates and how you are managing. Jenn


Hi Bootsie--I just love your plan and approach. I think you are so wise to start the search and take advantage of all the help you can get. Please keep us posted as you can as you work through all of this.\r\n\r\nThe experience of caregiving is not location-based. You provide care, regardless of where your caree lives--your home, her home, the nursing home. Your involvement and advocacy and care ensures your mom has what she needs regardless of where she lives.\r\n\r\nI hope today brings a bit of a break for you.

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