Who Are They Talking About?


Who Are They Talking About?

This will be short, maybe. You know when people tell you how nice your hair looks or that you are pretty or make some other comment that is flattering about your appearance and you feel flattered and love the compliments? Now, do you know how later in the day you go by a mirror and catch a glimpse of yourself with the compliments still ringing in your ears and you have that shock like someone threw ice water on you because the woman you see in the mirror is not you? At least she is not the woman you were expecting to see, you know, the one with the nice hair, the pretty one with good skin? No, the woman you see looks tired and her hair looks dry and needs a cut and style and her skin could use about a gallon of expensive skin softener and you wonder where in the hell the pretty woman went on the way from the office to the mirror? And, you notice your arm fat wiggles when you reach to fix your hair? This same thing happens to me when people tell me I am brave and loving and that I have a great deal of courage and that I am easy to talk to and how lucky my husband is to have me. It happens when I am told I am a strong advocate and that I have wisdom.

Later I catch a glimpse of myself in the "mirror" of my inner self and see a woman who is fearful, impatient, cranky and overwhelmed. I see all the choices I wanted to make and the choices I actually made and I wonder where that amazing woman is that people tell me about all the time. I wonder what on earth prompts these flattering words. I am puzzled.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall?

Who's the fairest of them all?


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Lark, you have such a gift for capturing the journey of a caregiver with words and the up and down and roller coaster of emotions. Thanks for sharing.


Babs, I hear you loud and clear. I am grateful I am caregiving my husband. I was also watched my mom for a time and that was a completely different dynamic. As Jan said, in her earlier response, we simply cannot and should not judge another person's walk as a caregiver. There are so many variables and difficulties. Thank you for sharing straight from where you live emotionally. I need to hear the truth of other caregivers. Thank you for sharing!


No one can judge or imagine what it is like to be a full-time caregiver unless they have done it themselves. And those of us who have done it know what a merciless weight it is to carry, day after day, when you're thinking for yourself and another individual. No one can judge or understand the stresses on your mind on the inside. But anyone can see you on the outside, one day at a time, facing what needs to be done out of love and commitment. That is bravery of the highest kind. In spite of all the doubts and uncertainty, you're still there for your husband, doing enough.