Who Is Really Clueless? The Dementia Sufferer or the Visitor?


Who Is Really Clueless? The Dementia Sufferer or the Visitor?

frustration-1583655_640As a family caregiver, I appreciate when anyone takes the time to visit my mom, Grace.

Sometimes however I wonder if the visitors are clueless as to what a caregiver is really going through. With Mom being in her last stages, I have seen a serious decline.

I have also seen a decline in knowledge from family members and friends who are clueless about dementia and eldercare.

The following quotes from a few of them baffle me. I wanted to slip one of mom's pills in their lemonade. Clearly they needed the memory medication more than mom did.

1, Last week she didn't know who we were and look at her, she lit up when we came in. (Mom was tugging on my blouse asking, "Who are these people?"

2. I am a believer too and faith is important but sending a "Glad to see you're on the mend" get well card just makes me angry.

3. "When I come visit we can take mom to the buffet and maybe the mall later." What? Mom is sleeping most days and she is afraid of crowds. Plus last time we were at the buffet she put ttwo dessert bowls of pie in her purse.

4. "Mom said she hasn't eaten all day." What? She says that every day sometimes while she's eating!

5. "You need to get out more you're a bit grumpy." This is usually said as they leave and never offer to sit with mom so my husband and I can get out more.

Does anyone else get annoyed by the ridiculous expectations  and suggestions that non caregivers offer? It can't be just me.



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Oh, I'm there. A family member who recently visited us pulled me aside and told me that my mother would probably be so much happier if I made her get up and get dressed every day. She has very nice long nightgowns and nice house coats. Yep. You come over at 6am and struggle to get her changed into \"real clothes\".. just to get back into bed.


Oh, boy, comments_mysql are so aggravating. It's exhausting that you take care of your mom and then have to put up with that kind of cluelessness. Why not just ask you how to help and then actually help?\r\n\r\nGood to hear from you, Angela. :) Keep us posted as you can.


People who have never cared for someone 24/7 have absolutely no clue, none.


My issue is opposite but similar in a way. My dad's stroke increased his very mild dementia. His pastor and other church staff and family made the expected visits to the hospital, the rehab center and to the house, once he got home. But now that he's been settled in a bit, they are scarce. My parents were revered members, looked up to by many. They called my dad \"Smooth\" and adopted them as their own \"Mom & Pop.\" I'm not sure if Dad's memory glitches have saddened them to the point it's hard to visit or have they just forgotten? I would think the fact that we still send in his tithes would jog their memory if not the fact their seats are still empty (Dad can't sit still for two hours and Mom's not going without him). We did get a check-in call from some members this week, but nothing more from church staff. Their visits always lift him up. I hope they return soon.