Who Knew?


Who Knew?

Who knew that I could be a long-term caregiver and find a new me in the process?

Who knew that I could love someone and care for them while dreaming of hitting them with a frying pan at the same time?

Who knew that my husband's food preferences would change forcing me into a new frame of reference?

Who knew that those same food preference changes would change again at a moment's notice?

Who knew that I, a deeply private person in my home, would have people coming in and out to help me care for my husband?

Who knew that I would miss those people when they are not here with us?

Who knew that the loneliness and sorrow would overwhelm me until I think I cannot breathe another breath?

Who knew that I could clean up a bathroom strewn with the bowel movements of my husband and do it without resentment?

Who knew that a twenty-three-year-old woman would come into our home as an aide and tame my curmudgeon of a husband with just her smile?

Who knew the same woman would tame the curmudgeon's wife?

Who knew that friends and neighbors and strangers would prove to be helpful, loving, supportive, caring and angels in human form?

Who knew that I would allow them to be in my life when I have spent so many years protecting myself from just such people?

Who knew that I would change at a core level and in ways I had no idea I could change?

Who knew that caregiving with all of the stress, emotional pain, anger, resentments, successes...all of it...would be the catalyst for what I have come to believe are the best days of my life, the best of what I can be and far more than I dreamed I could be in my life?

Who knew that the past resentments, grudges, discontent and emotional baggage of my marriage would melt away and be turned to grace, acceptance, contentment, and love at a level I have not known myself capable?

It is true that in losing myself, I have found myself. It is true that I keep what I have by giving it away. It is true that only this day is of any value and that I can, with God's help, live it fully in whatsoever condition I may find myself.




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